Residential Evilness I (PS1 classic plus remastered on PS3)
by SheerLuck Home
Summary: It's bound to get dirty when Director's Cut and its remake on PS3 meets up to party. So pack up on diapers, chips and glasses to shield your face from brain matters. Putrefying welcoming party waits; you don't want to miss this.
1. Introducing STARS

Residential Evilness

 **Introducing S.T.A.R.S.**

Raccoonus City, July 1998, some lonely forest somewhere in the Arklay BloodStains; Bravo's helicopter is just hovering above the premises in search of a place to land. Their Captain Enrico Marini was sure that the cannibalistic maniacs were concealing their Headquarters somewhere in here. But now in the middle of this place, being scrutinized by silent trees looking at him wrong, he hope he's mistaken. Their mission is to locate the freaks and gun them all down and have fun doing it, but mainly making sure to stop them from terrorizing the whole city. Their dark unorthodox festivities were responsible for many deranged minds and now people were afraid of their own shadows. And there is a lot of that in Raccoonus City, a lot….more so now that some street lamps have been dying out lately and the Mayor doesn't have money to have them fixed. Some people say he's been descending into mania, locked himself up somewhere and is now losing his mind disgracefully indulging in alcoholic beverages. But let's get back to the mission at hand.

Team comprised of six men and one woman, well, half a woman seeing she's so young and puny. Aside from the LDR (Leader) mentioned above; there is Forest Speyer under the position of OM (Omni Man), who really loves crows. Richard Aiken with the position of BUM (Backup Man), who has a personal relationship with his custom shotgun. Rebecca Chambers as medic, just 18 years old and merely joined last month. And three other dudes you actually shouldn't care about because the plot doesn't really care.

In the chopper, Aiken was looking outside the window at the vast forest, thinking how easy it must be to get lost in there and hoping it wasn't haunted as it seemed to be. Chambers, who was staring straight ahead trying not to piss herself, had to remember to breathe else nobody else would be qualified to perform reanimating procedures on her if she came to die. Speyer, who was busy holding his grenade launcher with style as if he was posing for some magazine, had this cocky smile on his features like always.

Well he was smiling like an idiot at the trees below when he realized the pilot might be flying too close to them. The next couple of seconds were filled with people screaming, bleeding and being assaulted by trees.

Nature always gets payback one way or another.

«Bravo team's helicopter was a derelict. Save for the body of Kev-», a rock hit Forest in the face.

« _Don't_ do that! What's wrong with you?!»

Holding his nose, he glared at Rebecca, «What's wrong with _you_ _?_ »

«It's heartless to do such a joke!»

«Hey it's not like he really died!»

Aiken got out of the fuming carcass and addressed his Captain, «Engine's dead. », he leveled his assault shotgun over his shoulder, «Oh, so is the pilot and co-pilot. Maybe I should have mentioned that first… »

Forest nodded, «Pilots always die first.», he got slapped behind the head, then glared « _You little-!_ »

Marini shook his head at Rebecca, «Just stop that, he _**is**_ equipped with a grenade launcher. Alright. Our priority is to-» they had no time to refocus; a pack of savage beasts born from the apocalypse attacked them. « _Double time, people!_ Let's run towards that ominous mansion silently lurking in the distance! »

At least the pilots were already dead so they didn't have to face this. And better yet, they wouldn't be stuck with Chambers later, better be deceased than endure that torture….

As for the Ecliptic Express train nearby that they should have investigated, screw that, I'M the one who's writing the story here. Actually saved two goddamn days of explanation right there.

Billy CoolEnd can just do the whole thing by himself, if his tattoos can provide backup. He'll need it.

* * *

RaccoonAnus City Police Department, briefing room; Alpha Team's finest were all seated and ready to listen to their dear Captain. The S.T.A.R.S. had been founded two years ago with that man as leader and he is THE man for the job; because someone has to. They still knew close to nothing about him but he was a pro down to his boots and up to his neatly combed hair; that is until they would hear him deliver stupid lines or laugh like a retarded stereotyped constipated villain. But that's not until a couple of hours later so we're still relatively safe for now. The blond man was always wearing shades because being able to see in the dark with one's eyes alone was for wimps; thus he liked to complicate his own vision, added spice to his life. He was tall, slim-athletic, stood straight as a wooden plank and his face was the very definition of a wall showing emotions.

He was so breathtaking that even mirrors broke in his face, shattering spectacularly as if a bomb had just exploded; tends to be pricy when walking around town as every single reflective surface would just burst. Perhaps that's also why he wears sunglasses 24/7, even in his sleep; hell even his name conveys the bad-assness of his whole personality. When people mentioned it, it was enough to send shivers down their spines and whenever they summoned the dreaded words inside their minds it echoed ominously… or something remarkable like that.

 _ **Albert Wesker**_ ; you probably pissed yourself this very moment and it's only natural, that's the proper reaction when coming into contact with that name. Bit insensitive too, probably, just shoving those in your face like that without warning. Put a diaper on and let's continue: you'll need one, several actually.

The stoic Captain parked one buttock on the side of his desk then someone threw him some coins. The money hit the furniture and clattered into a corner noisily, the man swiftly looked across the tiny room, «Who did that?» A woman wearing a blue beret winked at him and grinned; coming from her it wasn't entirely unpleasant but this was becoming a bad habit. «Valentine, it's the second time this week; if you really want to waste your money then buy Vickers some breath mints, he really could use them. »

She kept that professional cool air about her while holding her eyes on him, «It wasn't me this time, Sir. »

The Captain looked at the far side of the room where the communication radios were; Vickers gave him a thumb up. Wesker's brows slightly narrowed then he repositioned his eyes somewhere else before clearing his throat, «Alright everyone, let's start; the sooner I hear all of your worthless theories upon these gruesome incidents, the quicker we can just go over there and shoot everything in sight. »

Joseph, who had been replacing his red bandana for the hundredth time, suddenly stared like all the others. It soon transpired to the leader that he had said this out loud and not in the corner of his secretly evil mind like he was supposed to. He coughed, «Never mind that. So, anyone got something new to add to our, _already very elaborated_ , deduction board?», he motioned towards a white board with a single note written over it which read 'dead people apocalypse'. Someone had hastily drawn two human stick-figurines in the lower right corner; one was devouring the other with additional blood pouring out.

Only the air conditioner was heard in the room, a snowflake flew passed Wesker's face so he turned it off. «Alright then, any questions?» A muscled hand linked to an even more muscular arm arose from the tiny crowd; it was attached to Barry, who was even bigger than that. Wesker feigned looking at his nails through his gloves, «Yes, Mr. Burton? »

«I was wondering, can we bring the bazooka on this mission? Last time you said it would be of no use though I think it would have been effective for crowd control. »

The Captain slowly reported his attention to the desks in front of him, «Any chance that somebody has anything of relevance to say before I level my ass off this desk and pretend you all don't exist? »

Vickers was heard popping his chewing gum before chocking on it, how in the hell he managed that was beyond explanation; just like everything else he fails to do right in life. As he inevitably turned blue nobody even thought to provide him with some help. Heartless? Nah that's just Brad, he deserves it.

Barry then added, «I love guns. »

Albert's fingers gripped the corners of his bureau intensely. Someone rushed in the room at that moment; nobody turned his way as for they were all accustomed to him being the very last person to get there. Wesker sighed heavily, «Greenfield-»

«It's Redfield, Sir. »

«Yes interesting. », said he condescendingly, « I forgot you weren't even here; that's telling to how much you're valuable. So what was it this time, your bicycle didn't start up this morning? Or is it that you got confused as to how to put your pants on? »

Oblivious to the authentic lack of caring from the Captain, Chris started to detail his worthless existence, «My hair got stuck in the toaster, I was trying to-»

Wesker got up, now really pretending none of them existed. Aggravated, he rubbed his forehead then pinched the upper part of his nose; hopefully the mission would prove far more entertaining than this. Jill had gotten up and was now drawing new stick-figurines on the board, while Brad and Chris argued upon the best technique to remove bread from a toaster. Barry was merely focusing into trying to breathe; his heart had difficulty pumping oxygen through all those muscles.

The phone rang and Albert answered, his jaws clenched as the excruciatingly enjoyable damn voice of Chief Brian Brainless Irons hit his eardrum. «So what's the situation? I assume you know the situation? Don't tell me you don-»

«Affirmative plus we're ready to take off. I've got everything covered, like usual. My eyes and hands included. »

«Good. Fine. I guess. Now, ehh, what was it I wanted to say? »

«No matter, I'll have this done and my report will be as flawed as it always is. We'll get there, decimate or get decimated, and if they don't I'll see to it myself that they are. Possibly all team members will meet discreet or otherwise quite brutal deaths, but I'm ready as previously instructed. »

Wesker then rapidly briefed him on the real situation, minus some important secret details that he kept for himself since he's secretly evil; but then the Chief thought he'd look cunning to repeat everything he had just been told. Damn he always did that, Irons was such a moron; no brain cells usable. The blond man paused for a couple of seconds, and then replied, «Yes. That's what I just told you, words for words exactly; merely seconds ago. »

A clock was heard ticking in the Chief's office then him sipping on his tea, testing Albert's already very-tried patience, before finally saying «Good! Carry on. », and Brainless hung up.

The receiver cracked in between the Captain's hand before he replaced it down, trying not to obliterate it like he was itching to. Then he leveled his voice above the ruckus finally ordering them all to pack and be ready in five minutes. Seeing veins pulsing at the blonde's temple, visibly seriously ready to burst; they all obeyed silently while Barry remained behind trying to remove his important physical mass from the small desk. Eventually his own sweat provided lubricant so he popped out with a weird sound.

Jill was in the locker room and switched her blue beret for one entirely similar in every way before running up the stairs to the roof, content with her ingenious choice. Brad was still in the same room though where he had tripped over his own feet, despite being seated. Joseph didn't give him the slightest look of concern as Vickers laid there whimpering with a tooth gone, instead grabbed his video recording unit before running out as well. Don't feel sorry for him that's just Brad we're talking about. He probably deserved that, for some reason.

Eventually the slacker appeared on the heliport followed by Burton who was all red in the face and wheezing, then managed getting in; the chopper struggled to leave the ground with the important weight added. Now Barry clogged one side of the machine by himself as Chris, Jill, Joseph and the equipment occupied the other, along with a huge rocket launcher which held four missiles. The Captain was with Vickers in front mainly because there was no space left behind; that little twit better keep his hands to himself else he would never pilot an helicopter ever again. Not that 'piloting' was an appropriate word to describe Vickers' ''skills'' with the machine. Besides it was still to be seen if anyone could steer with their hands, ribs and neck fractured….. Say if he indeed can't keep his hands to himself.

Content with his ever-useless and obnoxious self, Chief Irons stood near the window overlooking the heliport. He eventually stopped rubbing his greasy stupid-looking mustache in between his chubby fingers and turned around, winking at the unfortunate rigid animals gracing his office walls. _I'm always so awesome it's unbearable._ He sat on his chair but it broke, sending him on his ass. He quickly leveled his face on the many motionless eyes to see if any dared laugh at him, they sometimes do, he'd swear on his own soul to the devil Sparda that they do….. He yelled at them, « _Don't look at me like that, I'm not insane!_ », saliva spraying forth.

The secretary next door merely sighed as she kept typing; the jaded woman was used to his mental illness by now. Too bad he's the Chief though: bad for everyone. Makes you wonder how WillyHam BirdKin managed to survive many meetings with that deranged porky-man. Perhaps they have something in common…. or maybe he just has a lot of experience with lunatics thanks to his wife Annette, not to mention himself as well; runs in the family.

Possibly both of those explanations combined and much, much more…..we'll never really know: Umbrella mystery. *Spooky atmosphere tune*

* * *

Author Note:

I often mention Jill's outfit is blue, in the PS1 version it was but in the remake it's green; I kept my favorite in here. Also, I have videos on You Tube on this very game (the remake on PS3), and much more; they are packed with the same type of humor that my parodies are. The ones titled 'Jill Survival' starts rather slowly because I wanted to induce an interesting vibe of the sceneries since I really think they look great; even the ones on PS1 and PS2 are amazing. So many details solely made for us players to enjoy (music included) and frankly too often overlooked, and/or wrongly bitched by ungrateful little pricks who have no idea how much work is put into creating those kinds of games. But you can be sure my videos are about humorous fun time, when they're about games. I don't do it for the money or fame, only to share my uncommon humor. So search through them all before we get turned into real zombies…

Since Fan Ficiton does not allow to write web-links, you'll have to do it the longer way.

In You Tube type ''De Void Jill Terminator'', De Void is me, the rest is the video title. From my own page you can look for vids on ''chrisCo'' or the ''Jill Survival (joking)'' ones, and hopefully enjoy.


	2. So Much for Teamwork

**So Much for Teamwork**

RaccoonAnus City July 1998; still some lonely forest somewhere in the doomed Arklay BloodStains. Brad Vickers is somewhat piloting with the commander still seated beside him just in case things went wrong; because being with Vickers meant that something would anyway. So if he could help it, Albert would prefer to die in the action rather than thanks to Brad's incredible efficiency to constantly fuck things up. It was also the only thing he was relatively good at, or rather not so terrifically bad at. Who knows how he got admitted in this unit but one would suspect trickery; the kind that involves the Chief's genitals in his mouth. Best not to dwell on; poor mouth though, it didn't deserve this. Might explain why he needs breath-mints…

They were S.T.A.R.S., Specifically Trained Assaulting Residents Suicidal; all professionals, expert qualified in many domains, tough as concrete and able to keep their cool in the worst situations. They are all highly reliable, as talented to work alone and deadly efficient, cunning and brave with a strong moral sense of justice.

Or so they should have been all that.

Suddenly Brad sneezed, which scared him consequently made him lose control of the chopper; Wesker would have corrected the mistake if it weren't for Vickers screaming and panicking, now holding unto Albert hence hiding his view. Everything could have been prevented; if only they had prevented Brad being part of this mission in the first place.

The crash could have been more brutal than anticipated but it all ended well. They even collided into Bravo's helicopter, subsequently _definitely_ killing both pilots this time around. Hell, can't blame Richard if he couldn't read a pulse right, he's not a medic; it was Rebecca's responsibility, she should have been the one examining whether the men were really dead or not…...it still all ended well though.

Albert tossed Brad aside and glared at him, though through the shades Vickers didn't understand he was being mercilessly frowned at; otherwise he would have pissed his pants a second time. The stench made Wesker move to the rear, forcing his way in between Burton's muscled arm and chest, «Everyone still alive? »

Everybody nodded except Barry who was busy carefully examining if the weapons were still in good conditions, an intense look of concern on his visage like a father caring for his kids; except he never even considered looking at his daughters so compassionately.

Albert slid the door open and got out of the cockpit, «Alright losers, take the donut formation and look for any clues; and here's some invaluable advice: try not to get lost. », he turned to Vickers, «Don't touch anything, don't do anything, don't even talk. We'll be back in a few minutes, but if we're not, and given the severity of our mission it's highly probable; then try not to shit yourself then call for backup. Also I assure you that if you disappoint me again, urine will be the least of your problem. » Albert knew Brad would frustrate him once more; he always did, so he was looking forward to his punishment.

Now was time to face the horror; **the survival horror**. And that means tremendously-lame acting and cheesy-as-hell dialogues all shit-wrapped in an atrocious soundtrack. But it has its own flavor; one of heavily-rotten flesh mixed with coagulated blood, human dejections and vomit plus monsters sweating chemicals; all of which has been trapped inside and mingling for days in a mansion during hot summer _. Incredibly delicious._ The team did not know what pleasant aroma awaited them _._ Fortunately there isn't just Director's Crap anymore but also its remake on PS3, so we have that to heal our wounds with. Zombies weren't so lucky though.

So it goes like this, all team members had their personal equipment. Burton not only had his kick ass 357 Magnum but his Samurai Edge handgun which was equipped with infinite bullets, despite not wearing an 'infinite bullet' bandana like Solid-Erected Snake. But being a gun maniac and a reticent asshole he'd share none of his firepower with the others. Valentine had only come prepared with some cheap Beretta and a gray Memory Card, looks like she didn't read the debriefing about swapping Playstation consoles. Redfield only had his trusty knife because he wanted to have that 'CQC FTW' trophy, and since trophies are for attention-seeker dumbasses well it suited him just fine. Albert had his shade, which was more than enough.

Joseph had been reluctant at taking the designated formation, not that he'd ever dare disobey Wesker by fear of being strangled with his bandana or having it shoved down his throat. But he wanted to record some important things; like the way trees and tall grass were moving in the ominous wind. That and his painful breathings because he truly enjoyed recording unidentified fiends roaming in semi-darkness and having shadows move about under the faint rays of his flashlight. To top it off it had started to flicker, perhaps he should have thought to change the batteries in there as well and not just in his goddamn camcorder. Too late now, unquestionably too late. Maybe Joseph F. stood for Joseph FuckItAllToHellI'mAlreadyDead. Consequently when he heard a strange noise, like some crazed unknown entity whispering his name, he ran back to his teammates. Truth is, it had been Vickers sobbing to himself calling out the man's name for some reason; best he doesn't know about that though.

S.T.A.R.S. recruits were advancing professionally; in fact they would have looked decent if it weren't for Chris stepping on something consequently falling face first. Jill looked his way, he got up spitting something, «Ah _shit_ —literally, dog poop! », he spat some more before grabbing Joseph's head-cloth to clean his face.

The man's eyes grew bigger than Barry's biceps, « _You!_ That's my lucky bandana **you asshole**! Now you put crap all over it! »

Chris chuckled, «No such things as lucky charms. Grow up. », he said while himself acting quite immature by pointing his comrade's reaction to Jill with a pompous attitude. She suddenly got more interested by the surrounding vegetation than him. The now-unprotected man looked down at his sullied possession and remained behind as the team kept advancing, his sight blurring from the tears. The camera on his shoulder would record his sobs live. If he have had a moronic friend then said buddy would have put that on You Tube, stupid people do that these days; but he's companionless so that actually is a very good thing.

They continued their search for the other team members, or any of the member's limbs. The donut formation was a good idea; soon Jill found remnants of a dead animal, though it did not help their investigation at all. A mere minute later Joseph was yelling. Chris figured it was because he'd been mourning his bandana but thought he was really overdoing it once the screams became quite atrocious. Valentine started firing though, followed by Barry plus Wesker, so Chris wondered why they were trying to kill the other Alpha.

Truth is Joseph had just found a severed hand only to be attacked by hungry mutated dogs seconds later; said beasts were now savagely devouring him which was bound to make anyone panic and scream in utmost pain. Upon witnessing the MA-39 Cerberus, Albert ordered his team to run for cover; Greenfield thus hid behind a bush. This was not the sort of dogs you could throw a bone to, unless it was your own, with some flesh still attached to it. Fortunately for them all Wesker knew the location of the manor thus led them there as they were hunted by four crazy canines; plus by the sound of it more were converging on their position now.

As they were all running the Captain shouted «Aim for that mansion! »

So Chris aimed and fired. The bullet flew right passed Jill's head; she shot back a glare at him, «Do that again and I'll blow a hole in your head; believe me it'll not improve your intellect! »

The high grass soon led them into a forest and it meant many branches hitting Chris in the face as he ran. Wesker, whose eyes were already darkened by sunglasses, had no problem whatsoever. Valentine would just swiftly avoid any contact with them as if she had been training for that her entire life, as for Barry, he needn't bother since the lot exploded on his muscular body. They kept firing behind them, not exactly being able to aim while frenetically running for their lives, so someone shot Redfield in the leg. Accident happens, or was it… some of the bullets actually attained the dogs and even killed one; good, because now they were at least seventeen of them chasing the soon-to-be-dead Alphas.

With her agility, Jill was the first to arrive and swung the door open, then managing not to shoot any of her teammates as she covered them from the assault while they sprinted to her. Barry then slammed the door shut and locked it subsequently hearing the dogs hit their nostrils on the strong wood. However the canines kept at it, whimpering and growling fiercely as the S.T.A.R.S. slowly started to give each other glances. Their expressions indicative of concern turned to doubt…. and then severe questioning. Eventually the beasts got tired of it and finally left, ten minutes later.

Burton looked the grand hall, «Looks like we just found out where the rich folks in Raccoonus live. »

Jill looked around, «Captain _Whiskers_ , where's Chrisco? », she went for the door but Albert rapidly shot her in both knees. She yelped and fell.

Leader addressed her, «We all know he's always late, I'm certain he got lost behind and is now looking for another way in. With all those blood-thirsty wild monsters out there, being by himself in unfriendly darkness and not knowing what to do; I'm sure he'll make it. » Nobody believed that but when a gunshot was heard in the West Wing they all assumed it was him somehow.

Barry stared at the door to their left, «What was that? »

Wesker's sunglasses were still directed towards Jill but his eyes had moved unto the large back, «Well I doubt it was those dogs firing, Burton...» said he derisively, then addressing the woman, «Valentine, go investigate the source. »

«Maybe it's Crisco, _oh no…_ », not fearing for his life but rather disappointed he was still alive.

Barry, who wouldn't admit out loud he was uncomfortable being left with the Captain, came up with an excuse, «I'm going with her, Chris is our old partner, y'know. »

Jill knew it was a lie since he and Yellowfield were far from close, but Wesker wanted them gone as fast as possible so he just nodded. He watched them move toward the door, then said, «Stay alert. »

Their unemotional, pro-to-the-bone and uncaring Captain telling them to be careful was more chilling than anything else. Next Jill assumed a defensive position adjacent to the door, Barry charged at it with the mental image of it bursting open under his concentrated drive. Well it didn't, he just rammed in it hard, hurting his shoulder then slipped to the floor where upon contact a quick grunt escaped his throat. The woman quickly turned the handle and they entered, closing the door behind them hence being safe from their dear leader now.

Then Barry decided to state the obvious even though Valentine was also endowed with a pair of functional eyes, «A dining room….! » And he also inexplicably sounded as if he'd only seen one on television but never in real life. The resonance of an old clock was soothing; the pool of blood near the chimney was not. Well not to Burton anyway, «Jill, you should have a look at this! »

Undisturbed, she got closer and stared, «I assume you found something of interest judging by the tone of your voice. »

Barry touched it, rubbed it in between his fingers, smelled it, spread some over his red tactical vest in order to gauge its tint and then tasted it, «Strawberry jam! Or, I think it is. Jill, go investigate the other room, I'll stay here for it is unsure whether this is truly jam or not. » She was about leaving when he turned her way and said, «Oh, and Jill », he tossed her a coin, «Buy me a bag of chips on your way. »

She started asking him what kind but it was clear that he wouldn't move from his position, he seemed in some sort of trance and whenever she asked something he'd repeat ''I hope this isn't Chris' jam but his blood…''

Well she'd leave the delusional man to his own daydream. For her part, she wanted to investigate; surely this would prove to be quite entertaining if she took into consideration the transformed dogs and now that blood. Now you find yourself in company of Jill GoddamnFuckYeah Valentine, a United States Army soldier, bomb disposal expert skilled with her fingers who also excels in lock-picking and disarming traps, with general knowledge of chemical and drug related matters. Also a 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta (Delta Force) woman, and scored top grades in Explosive Ordnance Disposal at "Range 19 Alpha". Then she joined S.T.A.R.S. to kick more asses.

But even if she had been trained to pick around 600,000 different types of locks and is a total bad ass; all her skills hardly mattered since CAPCOM would never make her use of 80% of those in her entire career. Good job guys. It's also hard to imagine a 1st SFOD-D soldier falling on her ass three times during the mansion incident too, but hey, CAPCOM for ya.

Opening the door, our blue beret specialist was welcomed by a putrid stench and noises as if someone was masticating. So she thought she had indeed found Bluefield; he always was one gross sloppy eater and smelled horrible every time he worked out. She turned the corner only to realize it wasn't him but a member of Bravo team; poor Kenneth Gee Saliva wasn't as happy to see her though the livid creature that had been eating him clearly was.

The carefree zombie interrupted his feast and turned white eyes on his new prey. Not one looking to make new acquaintances, Jill shot him in the eye; the head was thrust backward before the body dropped on the other corpse. As for Saliva, he had apparently magically materialized inside the mansion even prior to Bravo's helicopter crashing thus decided to investigate on his own. The only black man in the team plus with zero screen-time and he was already dead, plus we were barely fortunate enough to know his name only now thanks to Jill writing subtitles on the carpet near his corpse. If I didn't know CAPCOM I'd say this is racism. But NO, this is SURVIVAL HORROR and he should have known better than face this colossal threat alone; because when you ENTER the survival horror, you better be prepared. Mentally, physically, and thumb-ly; especially those.

And be white.

Else you'll become a 'shadow of your former self', and that truly sucks.

Valentine bent, pushed the zombie aside in order to fumble into Ken's pockets for ammunition. She did find a cassette in his Kevlar vest; it was labeled with some cheap music band so she tossed it aside. When Jill got back into the dining room, Barry was still there examining the obvious blood stain, though his face was inches apart from the floor now as if he'd been licking it.

The woman reported while stepping closer, «Tragic news; no chips. », she didn't even think to mention poor Kenneth being half-devoured back there; how inconsiderate. « I did encounter a zombie though. », the woman had said that with so much indifference that it took some seconds for Burton to realize she wasn't joking; more so when the door slowly opened and said foe walked through it. Valentine stared at it, «Don't they ever _die_? », then seeing Burton stepping forward, «Watch out, it's not vegetarian! »

Barry suddenly felt sufficient; his muscles bulged with manly pride as he pulled his Colt Python out. « _I'll_ take care of this! », he aimed at the zombie's head and a bullet pierced the wall behind it. Valentine frowned, wondering how he could miss from that close. The living dead avidly grabbed the man's wrist and moved closer, granting Burton with nice fetid air to breathe. Jill's brows narrowed even more, she'd have to take care of this herself. Swiftly taking the Magnum she placed the barrel right to the zombie's head and pulled the trigger. Suffice to say its content went everywhere, especially inside Barry's mouth who had been in the process of screaming.

She watched as he puked, asking, «Burry, what were you doing near that red substance? »

«Investigating; didn't you see the subtitles telling you so? »

«What were you _really_ doing? »

«Look, I have to get my proteins _somewhere_! »

«Fine. Let's report back to Whiskers. », she said as she started walking away, leaving Burton puking near the fireplace. Well if it wasn't jam, it sure is something else now.

Another surprise was awaiting them back in the hall; their cherished unsociable team leader had vanished. Not one to complain about such fortune, Barry started cleaning his Silver Serpent from brain matters. Jill looked around, «Do you think he went into a corner to empty his bladder? », another thought crossed her mind about the delicious Captain then but she didn't share it. Chasing a smirk off her face, she turned to Burton, «And what's up with this eerie tune we're now hearing that suddenly got triggered? Well we better move unless you're planning on staying here, and-», she analyzed the way he was cleaning his precious baby, «or if you'd like some time alone with your trusted silver partner there…. », he didn't seem to mind the bits of decomposed tissues on his face though.

She suddenly hurled her handgun at him which struck the man in the face snapping him out of it, «Huh? Oh yeah, we probably should be looking for the Captain who so mysteriously left us to die here together, along with this horrible carpet; but I don't feel like it. Oh, I almost forgot. », he threw her a set of lock pick, «I thought you might need these. »

The woman stared at him, «…these are actually mine, which were in my pocket…»

«Well, yeah, I felt like trying it out, y'know. »

«…No, I _don't_. And when exactly did you _borrow_ these? Anything else you stole from me that I should be aware of before we separate to overcome this fatally-dangerous manor? Because these lock picking tools will play an important part in my survival, so I'd love to know whether or not you robbed me of more chances to remain alive.» she was kind of pissed, nobody, NO ONE touches her lock pick device. It was sanctified belonging.

But Barry had gotten back into his trance cleaning his Magnum again, perhaps he was getting senile. Jill just got closer and searched around his pouches for more spare clips before abandoning him there. She went through a door and that's when the song in the hall abruptly stopped before thunder struck gloomily. Barry eventually finished cleaning his firearm and realized he was alone. Utterly, sadly unaccompanied and lost in a desolated and smelly mansion filled with horrible creatures hungry for his flesh; and fleshy tissue he has.

He thought '… _Well at least the Captain isn't here_ …'

He glanced around… it looked quite unpromising.


	3. Enter The Survival Hurrah!

**Enter the Survival Hurrah!**

You have now penetrated the endurance of terror, good luck…

I'm joking of course, chance can't help you here.

As soon as he saw them vanish from his sight, Albert sighed heavily; he thought they'd never leave him alone to his evil secret preparation. In order to think it all through he assumed a relaxed posture by leaning one arm over the handrail and supporting most his weight on one foot. Cliché-pose assured, and feeling quite confident about himself but regretting no one could see him like that; he devoted the next minutes to inner thoughts.

Among everything that he had planned, he revised again and again that which he had to accomplish. Being a methodical man, he was being true to his nature and was pleased to secure the fact that he was indeed ready. A grin graced his features… until his arm slipped consequently receiving the handrail in the stomach, muting a groan. He was glad no one saw that and straightened himself before running a glove over his hair. Next he used his master key on a door leading into the east wing to disappear.

Anyone who knows him personally would be surprised his inflated ego could pass through.

* * *

Chris was in trouble, that was putting it mildly but he had no time to ponder over a better choice of words. That ton of muscle had slammed the door shut in his face and now he was being mercilessly chased by creatures from hell, persistently slapped in the face by ruthless branches plus he had no gun. He did think about returning to Brad but the chopper that flew above his head bearing the S.T.A.R.S. logo was indicative enough that he would be of no help. His only chance was hoping that his weakening legs could support him until he found another way inside this menacing manor, preferably before he died.

Judging by the alarming sound of jaws clapping right behind his heels, the prospect of death wasn't that far. And his horoscope had warned him, too. When he had read the single line in the papers this morning he had scoffed, the 'You'll die HORRIBLY today.' more or less made him laugh then. Now he felt like rolling into a fetus position and cry, though these wicked dogs _probably_ lacked the empathy to spare him then as well. Better keep running and hope the stars are wrong… else there would be a lot of dead today, additionally.

* * *

S.T.A.R.S.'s finest member, Jill Fucking-Outstanding-Valentine, found herself in a room with portraits and photographs hanged on the four walls around her. Most of them were quite disconcerting, depicting some families being happy and fake-posing with their cheesy smiles on a bright blue sky plus sunny background. She turned a mistrusting face away from them towards that statue representing a woman positioned in the middle of the room; hands were above her head holding a toaster. Valentine read the silver plaque, ' _'A woman making toasts''_ , she stared and tried to understand what it meant; either she doesn't understand art or the people living here worship toasters for some reason. She acknowledged it wasn't an essential part of the mission and refocused. There was an opening ahead at her left; a small desk had been pulled across the doorframe, to his right stood a door.

Wanting to explore that opening first, she pushed the shelf aside and walked through the small passage which had the form of an upside down U. It led to a dead end where paintings and jars had been abandoned along with an interesting poster entitled Resident Evil. Would have been uneventful if not for the zombie who now barred the exit as she turned the corner; 'dead end' turned out to be so fitting for this useless portion of the manor. Where did he come from? Who knows, perhaps from the toaster. Well she could have fallen on her ass like CAPCOM wanted her to, but instead she improvised and hit him on the skull with a painting. The fiber tore, now his head poking out of it, she ducked underneath his arm then he tried to follow her through the doorframe but got stuck thanks to his new necklace. The man's hands moved around through thin air as he moaned feverishly. She took in the amusing sight before stabbing him in the forehead to real-death this time.

The woman walked to the door to analyze the latch and cheated it with her super-extra lock picking devices; the mansion's childish mechanism was no match for her skills. It gave into a long corridor, there were some small cabinets at her left filled with strange items such as human bones, a loaf of bread, some other bizarrely vague items and a magazine titled 'Resident Evil's Strategy Guide for Losers'. She might have enjoyed the decor if not for the window at her right exploding into shards. One poked her in the eye but that was of no concern once she saw the bloodied dog who was already charging at her.

Stiffened into battle-mode, she immediately made it regret the night it felt like chewing off chunks of flesh from Valentine; four bullets did the trick but she wasted three others for sport. Truthfully it wasn't like she would run out of ammo soon; there was a stock pile of 9mm Parabellum rounds in that desk for some reason, that and a plastic pizza. And even if she ran out, even if the entire place was crowded with hellish creatures, one fierce look of her daring eyes would be enough to scare them away. Fuck yeah she's that incredible.

Equipped with her secret weapon, The Lock Pick of Supremacy, she went on into the bowels of stench. The place was quite pleasant really, fine furniture and decors; everything was fantastic, if only it weren't for cadavers plus this constant fetid aroma permeating the air and now her garments. Well Jill wasn't really one to care, the place was nice nonetheless plus she got to decimate zombies, prove her worth and survive in a multitude of non-survivable scenarios.

She wondered if Chrisco had that much fun, wherever he was. She approached the second window making out another Doberman in the darkness. It was just sitting there looking miserable with its head in between shoulder blades, both eyes missing and a gooey substance dripping from its jaw. She noted how dumb it looked, chuckling, when it suddenly jumped disintegrating the window; though instead of coming through like the agile monstrous canine it was, the dog only managed to impale itself on broken glass. It remained there whimpering and growling simultaneously, clawing away at the ugly tapestry as Jill blinked at it. Looks like it didn't take kindly to be laughed at for it savagely started to chew at its own paw, although looking even more retarded now. She walked to the unfortunate trespasser and unsheathed her combat knife before stabbing it in the neck; can't all be bad ass.

* * *

Pinkfield had finally found a way inside after being forced to jump-scale a wall, ascended aided by vines and made his way through a horizontal opening that was close to the ceiling. He found himself in a passage with white statues of some cherubs, which were creepier than anything he'd seen so far, and a metal door at his left that was locked. Judging by the indentation resting near it, he wouldn't be able to open it. A dog howled as if it was constipated which urged Chris to run inside panicked.

The door led him into the mansion where a whiff of the most unpleasant air assaulted his nose. He was busy vomiting over the furniture and floor when the Captain got out of a small room near aforementioned furnishings. Wesker distractedly stepped in the pool of regurgitated food, and then stared at his recruit as if he was looking at some gross useless carcass squirming with maggots that someone had pissed on, left to rot and bloat under the sun on the side of some shitty random road in the middle of Fucking-Nowhere Town.

The brown-haired man wiped his mouth and his eyes widened upon seeing his superior finding him like this, plus having set feet into his vomit. Way to make an impression, but Albert already knew what the dumb Alpha was all about; so there was no hope left to amaze him. The recruit didn't have time to explain himself that the Captain clapped hand on his shoulder and squeezed, «Perfect timing, we've got a small matter to discuss. », the blond man showed him some sort of key and Chris tried to decipher what it meant. Staring back at the man's features, it was the first time that Brownfield saw him smile; similar to the white set of teeth of a predator, a shark.

Wesker smiling scared the man and shook him within his very soul.

* * *

Alpha Team's tank was investigating the second floor, even though Barry said he'd return to the dining room. Truth is that room scared the hell out of him as he couldn't rid his mind of that damn red stain. And well, investigating was a big word; he'd laid his heavy frame against a wall staring at the picture his wife had slipped in his vest. He had been looking for Tylenol when his fingertips came in contact with the awful thing. He always threw it away, saying he kept losing the photograph, coming with different excuses; but his wife would always replace it with a new one. He swears it's as if she takes snapshots of them every damn day only so she can tuck that useless piece of paper in his uniform, to torment him. Yes, because it _is_ torture. As he stares at his daughter's enchanting faces, which makes his stomach turn; he can't help but wonder what in the hell he's supposed to feel. Aside from complete disinterest, that is.

Being a father is so, so hard on the spirit. Being too muscular is what is tough on the body though, he should stop working out. He can barely scratch his own back anymore; come to think of it perhaps that's what kids are for…? He contemplated for a couple of minutes but would have to think about it later when he'd be in a place far more secure then here; meaning when a cadaver isn't rubbing its decomposing flesh against the door next to him while moaning in anticipation. Yeah that's one thing he could do; aside from finding another tranquil spot to sulk while the others fix all this mess. Still he wished he had pills, this heavy stinking air was giving him one hell of a headache; or was it just the thought of that red stain taking his vigor away? Hard to say exactly but the big man was _really_ suspicious of it, even to the point where he had refused to turn his back on the liquid while exiting the dining room.

The great considerate father stepped over another corpse and finished crossing the corridor, thinking he was somewhat privileged enough not to have stumbled into Wesker or Valentine yet. The photo was carelessly dropped on the floor and got tainted with zombie blood; Burton felt relieved leaving the two accusative chubby faces on the moldy rug, unaware that a second picture was in his pant's back pocket.

Danger is never too far behind.

* * *

The bathtub was full of dirty water, curiosity got the best of Jill and she pulled the plug. It drained and revealed one decomposed fellow who stumbled out and tried to grab her legs. She violently rammed her heel at his head, fracturing his already weakened skull allowing blood and puss to pour out then she puked all over it. No need to turn around and seek somewhere more suitable to vomit since this scene was already unhygienic. Poor zombie though, all he had tried to do was tickle her. Then alright maybe he would have sunk his teeth into her leg but it would have been a courteous little chew just so he could replenish his empty stomach. Terminator-Valentine could be so harsh sometimes.

She ventured on a small paved path outside which also lead to a dead-end with a rusty boiler being all worthless; not like she was going to use it to cook infected meat. She also found a big sack of chemical but deemed it preferable to leave it be, «I don't do this kind of drug. », meanwhile Dobermans roamed around the metal fence drooling at their future meal. The smarter canine of the two eventually jumped over, Jill faced the sudden threat by jamming her knife in the dog's socket as it leaped for her throat. The mutt whimpered and once on the ground she stabbed it again, then she stood while staring at the remaining dog that was now busy trying to run through the fence, getting nowhere forever. She actually felt sad for it hence shot it in the head before stepping back inside; immediately regretting it due to the stench.

Her next discovery was a twelve gauge shells shotgun, fully loaded and all there for the taking. Of course it could have been a trap, the hooks rising when she picked it up could be proof of a contraption meant to kill, along with the cameras placed in order to film her ultimate death; but she just dismissed that. With her being skilled in disarming traps and many other skills we're jealous of, you'd think she'd have handled that one like a pro; but no, CAPCOM forbade it. When she exited the small room the ceiling began descending at an alarming rate; soon she'd be deader than all those zombies. She thought about blowing her head off with the shotgun which would be a lot more painless than having her bones crushed slowly as she neared demise.

However panic seized her thus she wasted the seconds she had left to live by cursing worse than any men ever did, that's when Barry heard the commotion even though he should have been on the second floor. Turns out he could run rather fast despite his colossal frame when pursued by a horde of five zombies, who all roam about unsteadily and really slowly. Now hearing this ruckus he got a bit scared at first; felt that running away from such an angry creature would be best, until he recognized Valentine's tormented voice. Well now he absolutely felt that leaving was crucial…. but the dust and stench he'd been breathing made him sneeze loudly.

Jill's focus snapped back into action, « _Help me I'M GOING TO DIE ATROCIOUSLY!_ »

Burton eyed the door with lack of sympathy, he was about leaving when magic words came from her mouth, « _I have a_ _ **shotgun**_ _!_ »

A fraction of a second later the solid lock burst open consequently hitting her in the stomach, the door shattered into many pieces and a hand reached inside for her arm. A sharp piece of wood cut her face as he gracelessly pulled her out but at least she was relatively safe now, seconds later the gigantic ceiling struck the floor with a loud noise. Jill was staring at it wide eyed but Barry was already trying to remove her hands from the weapon. She swiftly looked his way then, thanking him, still clutching on the shotgun ever so sturdily. Barry's eyes thinned as he wondered how the hell she was able to do that.

«Sure, I erh, yeah. Jill? »

«Yes? »

«Give me that shotgun. »

She looked at his Magnum poking out of its casing, «But, you've already got an ass kicking-»

He promptly interrupted, «Jill I have a family! »

She blinked, both their hands still on the weapon and Burton's face faking deep distress. «You don't want anything bad to happen to them do you? And don't forget my dog Jill, think about the dog. », he said knowing she was unaware he had none. The woman's face was starting to show concern for his mental sanity, right before Barry's expression suddenly shifted to a darker mood, «I just saved your life. »

She started smiling, «You're right, I'm being inconsiderate. Here ta-»

He snatched it from her and immediately ran off through the double doors. She stared ahead as she listened to his footsteps. A sound like someone whacking their face on a wall was heard, then cursing, something being kicked provoking more cursing; then another door being slammed shut. Valentine shook her head, «Old Burry, willing to do anything to save friends and family. What a nice, honest man. »

The wall behind her cracked so she swiftly turned its way, aiming at it, «You shut up. » The woman remained there a couple of minutes, defying it.

* * *

Richard Aiken had been too curious. In wanting to find more shotgun shells to ensure his survival, which was normal behavior for someone trapped in such an austere venue; he unfortunately got surprised by the largest and most-fatal monster lurking in the entire manor. Because if it failed to eat you whole then its poison would ensure you still died: tough fate. Sure now he could warn the other team members but the price had been high, especially now that he was stuck with the most useless and annoying of the Bravo.

Rebecca was holding him, being rather ineffective despite all of her medical training since she lacked the only component that could potentially save him. His arm was bleeding heavily and had been torn in many places, plus it was starting to turn blue. He was feeling rather badly ill, the poison coursing through his warming body plus the lethal T-virus mingling in might be the cause of his, slight, discomfort. He wishes he had serum, in fact Chambers had seen bottles with labels bearing that inscription but she just had to illogically remain by his side. Of course the younger recruit could leave, all she had to do was run and exterminate zombies in her way then come back to give him a shot; but she just had to stay there while singing him a lullaby instead, that ought to help.

Poor Richard though, and the serum was so close, too; but no, he would die. Too bad.


	4. Mansion of Horrifying Excitement

**Mansion of Horrifying Excitement**

The Captain had been handling the little twit roughly, leading the pale man through some dark tunnels with water dripping here and there. The stupid Alpha had been asking questions such as; ''Do you believe in Satan?'', ''What kind of shampoo do you use?'', and ''Is Sandy Claws real?'', Wesker had been this close from committing murder but instead slapped him around a couple of times; he doubted Purplefield had any brain to damage anyway. Then he shoved the nuisance in a cell and was done with, Albert walked to a monitor room and seated, picked up a box of Danish from the nearby desk and started eating. Damn those pastries were blissfully delicious, he'd kill for them; well in fact he did.

From the monitor, Chris screamed, «You'll regret this! I swear I'll let the others know how _**evil**_ you are! I'm sure they'll agree! Only someone who completely dresses in black can be made of _extreme_ evilness! »

Wesker pressed the mute button, for now he was keeping this irritant in a cell because two pawns out there to deal with were enough, a third would make for too much stupid on the field. He needed to be careful, especially with all the monsters lurking around, and soon he'd let the Hunter α MA-121 loose. He was reserving another kind of experiment for this test subject, the type that—Wesker sat forward and stared at the monitor, «…..what the _hell_ is he-», got up and hurried to the cell. Albert unlocked the door rapidly and yanked away at the t-shirt that Chris had coiled around his neck.

The captive whined, « _NO!_ No let me _die!_ I'm not letting you torture me and-» he got hit in the stomach this time.

As the man pained to breathe, Wesker took away the vest which contained Chris' knife then held him on the floor with his boot, his voice disdainful, «Believe me this is the very last thing I want to order but remove your damn pants, I'm not letting you pull that ploy again. Seriously, can you get any more pathetic…?! » the blond spat as he pushed on the chest to emphasize how discontented he was and to press him on. The deed done; his captor rapidly moved away and slammed the door, locking it. Now not only was Chris stuck in a dismal, wet cell; but he was also half naked and freezing. That might have been one of the worse ideas he ever had; it was not.

Wesker returned in the adjacent room but didn't pick the Danish this time, his appetite was gone. Now he hoped this moron wouldn't go as far as trying to strangle himself with his underwear. If it came to that Albert would just let him; there were some limits, no way would he step in there with the guy naked, to hell with the B.O.W. statistics then. He doesn't get paid enough for that, but soon would. The thought made him grin and then he started laughing maniacally, for an entire minute, after that he started choking on his saliva thus forcing him to stop. « _Damn it_ , bad habit will kill me. »

His lunch break and fun now ruined, he glared at the other monitors showing the different areas of the mansion; hoping to gather more data there. As he stared without blinking so much he was annoyed, he saw something weird move in front of the cameras. It seemed deformed, full of protruding veins and reddish; Wesker did not know of this bio weapon. When the sweaty face of Burton was seen as he tried getting back on his feet, Albert grimaced. The man must have fallen after being attacked and had been in the process of getting up when the Captain caught on the disgraceful scene. After getting over his disgust, an idea dawned in his mind so he left the monitor room smirking.

* * *

Destructor-Valentine was on the second floor, west wing and walked through the double doors. It led to a grand mezzanine which stood over the dining room she had already visited. One of those charming resident was stumbling about and she wondered for how long he'd been aimlessly revolving around the place, never to leave here. « _Uuugghhh…._ », his soft moan was heard over the ticking of the clock, Jill quickly glanced his way, «Tell me about it.» She vaguely wondered why all of their clothes looked so worn out as if they've been wearing them for centuries. Sure clothing could get torn up thanks to zombie-grabbing frenzy, but it didn't explain why the ends of their pants were punctured in many places as if literally being decaying on them for eons.

Well he still walked in circle trying to get a hold of his snack while bumping into the handrail, she merely moved closer to a statue representing a woman. One arm stood straight above the head holding a fake severed arm. Jill pondered over the significance of this sculpture though still failed to understand and perhaps that was the problem, since maybe these figure had no meaning at all; just like Redfield's existence.

She dismissed the art and it was about time as well since the zombie had reached her, must have had a regain of energy when the sweet whiff of fresh victuals had finally reached his decaying nose. He hastily tried to grab her but she dodged, his velocity making him collide with the statue instead. Since neither of them was able to prevent the consequence of such an action, it sent them both over the edge; the bust broke and the creature shattered his weak bones over it. No more aimless wandering, he should be grateful.

Valentine now faced two doors, both locked but not for long as she swept out her gadgets with way too much drama than necessary. Near that stood a painting representing an old man, the most striking features were the two small daggers dug in his eyes; Jill brought them with her. Crossing the first door led her to a mid-sized room with a stairway going down, a wooden handrail edging it. A gray metal door was at her left but she walked passed it, noticing the zombie that was standing on the stairs she grabbed the dagger and threw it. The blade nicely revolved in the air and pierced the skull with ease, the fellow dropped on his face and rolled down the steps producing comical thudding. Never knew what hit him.

The entertained woman walked along parallel to the handrail and all around it until arriving at an opening at her left, another ex-human was just standing there slightly balancing on his rotting lower limbs. He also gently moaned at her and those were always appealing to hear even if everything else was not; she aimed her pistol and obliterated his head, matters stuck to the wall and doors. Well too bad, maybe in other circumstances she could have heard sexier noises come from his mouth as she'd tower him while he'd be chained to a wall and-, «…. _ohhh yes_ …..», she zoned out for some time, just standing there near a corpse as the man's blood reached her boots.

Eventually she exited Dark Dreamy Land and went down the stairway which led to a long corridor with many windows but none exploded in her face this time. She also walked past three doors but only bothered with the last one, «How many goddamn rooms does this mansion has?», this one gave into another passage with more doors. The windows were being slightly struck by living dead who clearly wanted in on the fun. She dismissed the minor threat and crossed the additional door that stood on her immediate right, giving into a bedroom. A couple of pills were strewn all over a desk adjacent to a wine bottle; the scenario implied was clear enough. She also found a pair of clown outfits pinned to a wall along with a tomahawk; this wasn't so clear. Jill picked up a small notebook and started reading.

'' __May 9, 1998__

 _Played poker tonight with a certain Lee Scott Ken and Elias from Security, and Steve NotBurnside from Research. They all won, I asked how that was possible but they avoided my questions; I bet they cheated, but I'm not sure since I don't know much about poker. Still, assholes._

 __May 10, 1998__

 _One of the higher-ups assigned me to take care of a new creature; I like this job since it gives me the opportunity to see them in action and witness massacres. Usually I just dump corpses in there, you know, dead people, people I didn't like, etc. But feeding instructions were to give it live animals, so I did like usual except I fed 'em Steve. What a feast it was, and by that I mean for my ears and eyes. The monster tore his limb off one by one and pulled out his guts, then poked him in the eyes; after that it started eating and that scumbag was still alive. Serves him right._

 __May 11, same damn year.__

 _At around 5 A.M., Scott woke me up. Frightened me so much I hit him on the head with my desk lamp. He was wearing a protective suit and handed me one, except mine was missing the head portion. I looked at him but he didn't say anything so I figured it was no big deal. Then he said there had been an accident in the basement lab, in the basement's basement, in the other basement that is another basement. I always figured something like this would happen, these twit in Research never sleep, never even eat. Maybe that explains why Steve had these extreme dark circle around his eyes; made him look as if he wore more make up than my boyfriend. I mean GIRLFRIEND! Shit….hell I don't know anymore; that random person I cut the picture out of from the newspaper and kept in my wallet._

 __May 12, yata yata__

 _I've been wearing the damn space suit since yesterday; would have been better to actually just go to space and get away from all this….well at least I can scratch my head no problem. My skin's getting grimy and feels itchy all over, nothing I'm not used to since I never bathe often. But the damn dogs have been looking at me funny; they put their heads in between their front legs, staring me from under their torso while their asses were facing me. I mean what the fuck? I decided not to feed them, looks like I'm not the only one who'll starve today._

 __May 13, oOouuUhhh, spooky 13….bullshit.__

 _Dragged my smelly self to the Infirmary because my back is swollen, I could feel it move on its own and frankly it scared me a tiny bit. The nurse slapped a big bandage on it and told me I didn't need to worry, which definitely worried me. Now all I wanna do is sleep; more than usual that is. And where in holy fuckland did I lose my Ted-He bear!?_

 __May 14, Ugh, this crap.__

 _Found another blister on my foot this morning. I ended up dragging my foot all the way to the dog's pen; and I mean dragged separately, in my hand, because it had detached from my body for reasons unknown to me. Yeah I've never been too bright. The dogs were quiet all day, I wondered if they were dead which would have been amusing and provided me with some food; but they were still breathing. Then I realized some of them had escaped, somehow one of them clever bastard must have snuck in my bedroom at night and stole the keys….Maybe this is their way of getting back at me for not feeding them the last three days; that ought to piss anyone off. If anybody finds out I'll have my head handed to me; or rather chewed giving the circumstances…._

 __May 16, nineteen-ninety-eight__

 _Rumors going around that a researcher who tried to escape the estate last night were shot. I bet it was Scott; he always liked cop movies and that kind of action. Always telling me how he would have liked to work for the R.P.D. police Dept. dye his hair orange and wear blue contact lenses, for some reason. My entire body feels hot and itchy and I'm sweating all the time, the fridge is suspiciously as empty as four days ago plus the TV is only playing some shitty drama show. Hell, maybe I should have escaped too._

 _The swelling on my arm was pulsing, I scratched it and it dropped off, the damn thing kept moving then. That vaguely made me recall something Scott had said, but I can't be bothered to remember right now as this thing just wiggles around on my bed sheet. What the hell is that?!_

 __May 17_ohgodthehorror_

… _..I found downy Ted-He…..it was gruesome…outside, must have jumped over the handrail trying to escape but got attacked. His fluffy fluff spread all over the ground; forever staring my way…..I don't blame him for trying to escape this maddening place, towards a softer future….I'll avenge YOU!_

 _As soon as pieces of rotten flesh stops falling off me._

… _..Maybe._

 _But I'll consider it…..At least I think I will. At some point…perhaps if I had more guts but, considering sleeping with a toy made me feel more secure, fuck it._

 __Mayday 19, something on some planet__

 _Scratch scratch always. Dog ate plant. Ate doggie that ate plant._

 _M 21_

 _Itchy smelly Elias came, uglier than usual, killed him. Ate._

 _4/_

 _scratch. yum.''_

Valentine started laughing softly and threw the diary over her shoulder which hit the wardrobe, as if on cue something moved behind her. Speedily turning around she saw the wardrobe's door being banged on from the inside, then it slowly opened allowing her to relish into the anticipated revelation. Another charming deceased stared at her with his white sick eyes, moving his jaw slowly as if he was already chewing something in advance, or maybe savoring his own tongue.

The amusing discovery only made her laugh some more as she pierced his malodorous skin with bullets, gracing him with two crimson holes in his face. The now-dead man emitted a funny sound as he fell, face first on the diary which was probably his. His chubbier roommate, who had been taking a nap on the floor prior or after being infected, got up from excitement thanks to the smell of iron. The woman also granted him with additional body openings though it wouldn't help to vent the odor.

She exited and eyed the brown door at the end of the corridor on her right, judging by the map in her head this would lead her back to that place where Gee Saliva had died. Instead she visited the door in front of her but stood in the doorway blinking, it was a very small room with a peculiar statue in its middle. This time it wasn't of a woman but a bare-chested man with empty circular indentations where his nipples should be; perhaps she was meant to insert items there. She gazed down and it seemed his testicles were meant to be pulled in order for the statue to move left or right; perhaps this was some kind of joke, «Or maybe I'll just leave him be. Yeah, that's better. Leave the dude be. », and she closed the door wondering who in the fuck created all those. At first she had thought it was _yet again_ another man among so many that is seriously abnormally obsessed with women, but now her theory proved to be wrong. Perhaps it's someone gravely passionate about weird shit that makes no sense.

Valentine walked past the hungry creatures stuck behind glass in order to investigate the remaining room; there was a nice fountain in its middle but also some sort of mutated and living plant nesting in it. Jill observed further noticing a key was hung on the wall at the back of the room; upon gathering this useless information she also was whipped in the face by one green appendage which almost cut her nose off, making her face bleed as she stumbled backward, lost footing then hit her skull on the floor. She slapped a green leaf on her nose then stood up, «Fucking waste of time again. » With her ego bit sorer than her face, she ran past the windows as they shattered; revolving around she hurled the last dagger scoring perfectly right in the middle of a forehead. Smirking, she pulled the trigger achieving two headshots at once, she laughed and left.

Well at least that lifted her spirit a bit.

* * *

The special soldier ventured elsewhere soon discovering that her new decaying buddies could still surprise her. She met another who was busy being useless at the top of a stairway in the east wing, moaning feverishly when meat crossed his decaying sight. This one moved down the steps to reach her before suddenly sending a mix of bile and pus her way which she dodged at the last second. It seemed very acidic and potentially fatal, especially if you received it in your eyes; surely that was bound to be hazardous. She revolved around him a couple of times, watching his reaction and the seemingly endless flow of toxic vomit.

Well that part of the stairway was becoming quite dangerous now being all damp with puke and probably melting the soles of her boots, so she gunned him and descended while making sure not to slip in the mixture. That's when she noticed the wall at her right, every inch of it filled with many tableaus but only depicting one huge black stain. «…Art confuses me. »

There was another zombie waiting for her at the end of the stairs, his back was turned and he was close enough to stab from where she stood. However her combat knife got stuck in his skull so when he made a step forward Jill got pulled along before releasing her grip from the hilt. She didn't let him get to the stairs else he'd puke his way to her, first she shot his kneecaps off, pulled her knife free then stabbed him in the eyes, all while twisting upward to attain the brain. Valentine watched him collapse backward with a faint 'thud', «Entertaining myself with zombies, dad would be proud. »

* * *

Wesker used the secret passage to get back to the mansion, doing so he saw that the locked door with the four indentations was still empty. He thought, _damn at this rate they'll never reach the laboratory._ Not long after entering he stumbled into a wall that had not been there before, «…Burton… just the person I was looking for-»

The huge man turned around, a piece of _something_ coming out of his mouth. They stared for a few seconds until Barry sucked it in noisily, droplets of blood splattering forward and on his face. « This isn't what you think…. »

«… _oooh_ but it looked exactly like that… now I knew you were 'special' but I never imagined you'd go that far. Though I'm forgetting myself.», he pointed his gun at him, «Don't presume to know what I'm thinking, it's insulting and I'm easily offended when it comes to people not doing what I tell them to _and_ events not going my way, or anything that doesn't revolve around me since I'm a sociopath.»

The oversized Alpha didn't respond nor moved.

«Yes, Burton; **a** _ **sociopath**_. »

The other man still didn't care, so Wesker had to reflect out loud «….you have no idea what that means do you…. »

«I erh, now can I get back to….what I was doing? »

«NO! What is _wrong_ with you? Besides I'm threatening you at gunpoint, the least you could do is cower before me so I can feel superior, and irrefutably I am. Now listen carefully, you'll do as I say or I _will_ -»

«Fine. »

Wesker frowned, «…well that was unexpectedly remarkably simple…..»


	5. Distressing Reunions

**Distressing Reunions**

Jill-Supreme-Decapitator opened another door with her almighty lock picking tools; it was giving outside on a balcony. She checked her ammunition; four magazines in her beret, one in the middle of her bra, two in each boots, four strapped to her sides and five on her belt: each containing fifteen bullets for a grand total of 240; that ought to last a tiny while….giving the circumstances, seeing that each corners of this place was literally filled with tons of putrefying monsters; her stock of ammo would last for a good ten minutes at least. Yes that was optimistic thinking, too.

The fresh air was welcoming and the thought to just remain here while the rest of her team would clear all the mutated freaks crossed her mind. She could just admire the view, how the moon creepily set shadows all around, listen to some mutated crows staring at her from their hideout, watch the leafless branches swing in the gentle wind. Come to think of it _that_ was strange; the trees shouldn't be like that in the middle of July.

There was a glass table near the door, she picked up the clip that was there and shoved it inside her pants. The sweet venture into fresh air was then interrupted by the smell of rotten flesh once more, and a corpse to look at. Valentine had seen enough so far but this one was very familiar. She approached and that's when cheaply sinister piano notes were awkwardly pressed then ended as abruptly out of pitch as if the performer had a heart attack. The Alpha looked around noticing a piano under the terrace, with someone sprawled over it as if they had just died there; tough job just waiting at an eerie position to play those notes then die of horror, somehow. She dismissed the atypical scene and turned back to the corpse, walked to it and bent to look him in the face, a smile growing on hers.

«Forest Sprayer? It's good to see you! », she touched his shoulder and a piece of rotten skin stuck to her glove. She shook him a bit as if trying to wake him up, the head on the limp neck moving around by itself. «I thought you were dead, we've been looking for your team; though judging by all of your shitty results the codename 'Bravo' is vey incorrect. So where is everyone? » That's when she realized there was something wrong with his face, well at least she did realize that…. «You've got two fleshy holes instead of eyes, pal. It's alright don't panic, mine are still intact so I'll guide you through this mess. Just come with me. Burry will be pleased to see you; apparently you owe him twenty cents. »

The woman effortlessly grabbed him, because she's Jill Tremendous-Valentine and always stronger than she looks. The bone in his right arm cracked, some skin gave way so the limb fell off with a wet sound on the ground. Valentine looked at it, «A minor flesh wound, nothing we can't fix later. Now let's get you inside. » She dragged Speyer's rotting shell towards the door, he had no objection; the Bravo wouldn't protest ever again about anything. Let's see how long Forest would remain in his 'Faux-Rest' state. Next they entered the mansion so a maggot in his hair squeaked approvingly at that.

* * *

Our delusional woman decided to deepen her search into the East Wing, doing so she ran into two additional Bravos. When she saw Richard she bent while handing Forest to Rebecca, «Here, since you're already playing nurse. » Chambers was too horrified to move away though her face twisted with disgust.

Richard opened his eyes as he heard her voice, «Be careful, this whole place is a…killing zone….! ».

She examined his wound while saying, «Yes I know, I've never felt this much excitement in my entire existence, it's literally like a fun fair here. »

The man looked at her wrong, in fact, his eyes seemed to be crossed: probably because of the pain…..hopefully. He said faintly, «I got bitten…..by a snake, it had to be a gigantic reptile, poisonous too and it was laughing at me to top it off….at least it wasn't a _**demon**_ ….!», his eyes rolled back.

Jill tossed her PS1 classic Director's Crap CD away, saying «I know _exactly_ what you mean. Now rest, I'll be back with that serum. »

«Wait…! », he groaned, «Take, my radio…»

She looked at him funny, «Why? You'd think a S.T.A.R.S. wouldn't have brought proper equipment to a mission, Richard?», she shook her head while replacing his hand back down, «I'd like to tell you you're going to make it, but verifying your injury made me much less optimistic.», on that she left.

«Thanks…? », two seconds later, Aiken was too far gone into delirium to realize his comrade Forest was dead so he started chatting with him weakly. He also asked for a couple of cheeseburgers, his desire never to be satisfied: the poor man.

Valentine exploded some more heads, avoiding the cold rotten grip of death four hundred times more and soon returned with the serum; all flawlessly completed in less than one minute. She realized Chambers had lost consciousness somehow but that Speyer had been keeping an eye on her, good Forest. «Alright Richard, I'm going to give you a shot. It could hurt, a lot. You might want to cry, profusely; it's okay I won't judge. », she dug the needle into his bruised skin.

«….I felt, nothing…. »

She eyed his tortured discolored arm, «…well that's not a very good sign…. »

Richard's head rolled on the floor gently, he looked at her through dazed eyes, «Thanks, Val-In-Time…. ».

The Alpha let out a loud 'HA!' while punching his shoulder with her knuckles, «Don't mention it. », he groaned so she realized she had struck his injured side.

He closed his eyes, «…does it never, not hurt…? », and lost consciousness as well.

Valentine looked at the trio, then got up, «Alright Sprayer, I'm counting on you to watch over them. », two of his ribs were protruding outside, she nodded, «It's fine, we'll also fix that later.», and left them there. When she closed the door, Speyer's jaw got loose on one side; she would have qualified this as a smile.

* * *

Getting back into the main hall, Jill got reunited with the most sincere man of all again; Barry seemed to be looking at something near the stairs. The closer she got the better she could hear him mumble to himself, but he soon turned her way thanks to the deceased Bravo's lovely perfume she was still carrying on her.

She looked at him with doubt, «What are you doing? »

He rubbed his slightly-bearded chin, «This typewriter, I think we can save our progress with this. I just need to find a Pink Rub-on. »

She fixed the machine, then the man. She dared not say how ridiculous that thought was, similar to a certain Harry Mason who thought he could do the same if he scribbled some words on a notepad…. «Are you alright? »

«There's gotta be a backdoor somewhere…»

«…What? »

«Hey, look what I found! », he swiftly pulled a broken-bloodied toothpick out of his hair, «That's go to help me get out of here. »

«No I think you're seriously delusional. »

His eyes darted on the carpet, «…..still, that unspecified red stain in the dining room…I can't believe…», he shook his head, staring.

She tried to reason the man but it only resulted in him telling the same damn phrase over again, like last time. «You really should seek medical advice for that. » She eyed him and after poking his face, then giving him a strong upper-cut, she still got no response, «Alright, let's slip up again. », and left.

* * *

Later, Valentine got into one of the tiny room on the second floor in the East Wing, she had to pick the lock in order to enter, thus finding Barry inside she wondered how the hell _he_ got in. Come to think of it, every other team members she localized were all behind locked doors… She was about asking how he did it but surprised him since he was busy reading a file; so he turned around and his knee hit the desk, then his left foot got stuck behind his right leg and he fell but tried to prevent it by grabbing the aquarium only managing to top it over, hitting his head on the wall behind him as his butt landed on fish lures that had fallen there. Cursing, being wet and his ass hurting, Barry tried to stand with what was left of his dignity.

Jill blinked at him, «….Didn't mean to get you _that_ excited. »

He sneezed, «…no shit…? Don't mention this to anyone. »

«I will. »

«Good—wait, aren't you supposed to say 'I won't'? »

She ignored that and glanced at what he was holding, «What's this? »

He stared at the papers again, «Don't know, I've been trying to make sense of it but-»

She frowned, «You're holding it upside down. »

Burton quickly looked at her then turned it over, «Um, yeah, that might explain it…..no matter, now the rest of it is soaked and I can't read these ink stains anyway…or is it some Chinese dialect?»

«By the way, the door was locked so how did y-»

«Damn I forgot something, gotta run. », and was gone.

The brunette tossed the file aside and instead of solving the boring little puzzle in the room, she just pulled that thing free off the wall, ripping the tapestry and getting the golden crest. The back was engraved with two words, ''Wind Crest'', she turned it over and saw the icon depicting a cloud in the shape of a human ass, blowing wind. «…strange…. »

She left it there and investigated the other parts of the mansion, a stairway lead her down to another one of those chest rooms where she got welcomed by that same calm melodious air. Every time she opened the door to leave, the tune would abruptly stop and whenever she set one foot inside it would start again. The difference with this corridor was that Barry left a note on the wall:

'' _Found some cans of food plus tons of supplies and ammo in the next room; figured you had enough already so I took everything. Anyway your lock picking tools provide you with more power than I have with my four guns reunited. Feel free to die if you find yourself in trouble; and I mean that with a most sincere, warm respect. Seriously though, consider it.''_

«Tsk, Button, always the caring type. », she did find kerosene in the room though and blinked in stupor as she wondered how Barry could leave this precious liquid behind. She noticed a paper on the floor; the title read ' _Special Instructions for the Disposal of_ _ **DEAD**_ _Bodies'_ _._ She noticed the way the last two words had been made to stand out, «…Guess you can never be too careful. »

'' _In light of our recent gathered data, we assure you that poking them in the eyes is not a suitable technique. Meanwhile to those of you crazy fuckers who still have the will to live, oil has been placed on the first floor of the mansion. Seeing that this is due to some zombie apocalypse, the oil is intended to be used in this emergency situation only and shall not be wasted to cook food or other unspecified past time._

 _Take as much as you want, though obviously it'll eventually run out so you can't actually take as much as you'd like. Once you do run out, then good luck. And unless you plan on setting them aflame with your intestinal gazes, you'll need a lighter; which you'll have to find yourself. Again, good luck with that. As for me, I don't have the will to live so that's one problem solved._ ''

Jill took the entire jerry can and placed it in her bottomless pouch, now she was equipped to concoct some devastating Molotov cocktail to butcher zombie double-tap style in one aggressive blow. That was an approach more worthy of her.

* * *

The woman in blue unlocked another door which led outside once more, surrounded by luxuriant vegetation. What caught her immediate attention though was a crumbled paper on the floor.

'' _Today, like any other weird times he asked, Sir OsNotWell Spacer told me to hide something where no one could find it. I thought about hiding it in a crow's stomach but my roommate, Morgue, looked at me as if I was mental. Like she's one to judge, knowing what she does when I'm not around….well I wouldn't know since I'm not around at those times, but, I'm sure she does creepy things._

 _Well I had this idea. I figured if I could somehow have it protected by a dangerous creature, I mean not like the Tyrant T-002 Type, that'd be too brutal, but more like the vicious canine that lives here; no one would be able to get near it! So then the object would remain secret forever, in fact defeating the purpose of hiding it there in the first place since no one would ever be able to get it, but hear me out. As far as I can tell, since I'm an expert on things I can freely speculate about; the mutt is always hanging around the second floor balcony on the west side terrace. He's always pissing and sniffing there I suppose, I don't know, I'm theorizing._

 _Thing is, he ought to come running at the sound of a dog whistle. That's another good hypothesis since a second ago I mentioned my lack of knowledge on said animal. But never mind that, this is where you come in; hey, better you than me. I reckon you're the only person mad enough to get near that damn dog and not fear of being, seriously, atrociously mutilated. That means only you can put this collar on him, which contains the secret object that will remain undisclosed forever._

 _You're the only person I can trust with this; so much I had to write it all down instead of just asking and save you the trouble of reading this memo, which I dared not even deliver in your own hands in the first place. Truth is, I have no friends; so you're kind of the only human I could ask. Of course, you'll get something out of it as well. Remember that bag of chips I owe you? Yeah, it's your lucky day since I can afford it now. This could work out well for one of both of us.'' -Jon TaleMan_

Jill now realized there was a corpse near the memo she had just picked up, I guess people could consider her priorities being alarming. The man was lying in a pool of blood, a dog collar near him. Looks like it didn't go as planned, she wouldn't complain though; no dog whistle to search and no canine to deal with, problem solved. Her delight was short lived however as the collar only contained a key and a fake one at that; like she needed any keys to force her way through this theme park. Annoyed, she threw it away thus removing the possibility of any other team members using it; something yelped in the forest when the object hit its face.

* * *

Well her shitty discoveries worsened her mood but nothing some Molotov fun couldn't improve, fortunately the manor never caught on fire afterwards; knowing of the calamitous situation, it would have been a superior alternative.

Venturing through more damn doors, she located another diary.

'' _June 3, 1998_

 _My dearest Alma, let me first apologize for not being able to call you. A man wearing sunglasses didn't permit any phone calls; he didn't even let me order food which was quite inhumane. To top it all, he kept being a complete ass, combing his damn hair over and again like a sufficient prick and staring at me with his blank white face. Anyway, know that as I write these words; I am feeling quite ridiculous. I just thought I'd convey this feeling._

 _Honestly, I haven't picked up a pen in years and especially not to write to you so there's no telling why you'd still want to hear from me, but…_

 _I am infected, not that kind of infection, the sort of which you don't come alive from…well you do but, never mind…When that happens, I'll have lost the only thing that separates me from them freaks – my unconditional, everlasting love for cakes. I thought I'd let you know that. Well that's it, it'll all be over soon and I really can't wait. I mean, what's the point of living if you can't eat cakes anymore. –Muffin CrackHorny''_

The woman tossed the sheet of paper away, nodding approvingly about that last sentence; thus she promised herself to eat an entire cake by herself when she got out of here. Or two, it depends if she hasn't burst open after the first one. Exiting that room, killing other zombies, she got reunited with dear Burton. She glanced at the manner the letters ''A.R.S.'' only were visible on his back underneath his equipment, like 'arse'.

She chuckled, the man turned her way and didn't seem particularly pleased to see her but she dismissed that as it merely being his face. «ButtOn, I found kerosene, lots of kerosene! »

His unwelcomed teammate seemed very enthusiastic so it frightening him a little, he never truly knew what to expect from her. He eyed her suspiciously, «….alright…..I'll, just be going then…..»

The brunette's face suddenly turned compassionate, «Are you alright? Are your hemorrhoids still giving you hell? »

His eyes widened, «How the hell do y—I mean what are you talking about? »

«I deduced it because, ordinarily, you sit around a lot and you don't mumble at the walls about your anus being on fire, plus-»

A Magnum got pointed at her head; a vein was seeing pulsing on his temple, «You don't know anything. », he glared at her, «Say it! »

«I, erh, don't know anything? »

«God damn it, even my wife doesn't know! So how could you-»

«Burry, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Relax. »

He panicked, «You _don't_ know _that!_ », and left once more, Jill watched him hurry the best he could with all his muscles preventing faster movements, his boots making awkward squeaky noises on the waxed floor. Thing is the doorknob he seized disintegrated in his hand thus he had to turn around, face her again before running up the stairway to the second floor, where he finally disappeared.

If Claire had been there, she would have said, ' _'What was_ _ **thaaat**_ …?'' But she's not, instead she'll be stuck with a pervert-macho- useless and whining pain-in-the-ass prepubescent boy on Rockford Island months from now, plus with a very delusional narcissistic psycho and his equally very annoying and demented sister; making Claire wish she was double dead.

Before leaving the hall, Jill eyed the front door; now that the Captain wasn't around she was allowed to just open it. The woman couldn't pinpoint where that illogical urge came from, she just needed to do it.

However one look at the latch sufficed to destroy that desire, apparently Barry had been really terrified of being chased by evil dogs thus had twisted it beyond repair. Valentine made a mental note never to shake the man's hand. Then she added other notes like 'never show him strawberry jam or a type writer', it short circuited his brains somehow….guns did the opposite, it fired him up, which essentially might not be that good.

In the end she chose to keep a reasonably safe distance between the man and her.


	6. In Deeper Shit Than Before

**In Deeper Shit Than Before**

Chris had been clinging to the bed's metallic frame; his sobs incessantly interrupted by his teeth clattering together plus body spasms. Wesker had left some minutes ago, making his way back to the manor to have some fun else he felt like falling asleep. There was no prohibiting he passed the time decimating a few creatures himself; he would even recognize some of the employees, making the experience more enjoyable. He wished his old "pal" WillyHam BirdKin was one of them though he wouldn't voice it out loud in front of the scientist.

The heavy metallic door closed behind him, looking to his left he saw another zombie researcher far back in the corridor. He glanced around making sure no other creature would surprise him then walked to the soaked lab coat. Albert thought he recognized the stupid haircut and the name on the ID card proved him right. Skin was hanging loose from his head, cranium now visible; one bone in his left leg was broken and extended outside rendering his walk all the more problematic. Wesker grinned and then aimed at his head, «Salutation, _John_. », he marked a brief pause, «Looking quite healthy; shame your girlfriend isn't here to admire what you've become. »

The decaying visage turned towards the promise of a warm meal rather than a cause to the amused voice, his pathetic expression accompanied by a lame hungry complaint. By the time it took the contaminated to shorten the distance between them, Albert recalled their last, brief meeting.

Howe had been walking down this very same corridor, lost in thought, probably revising procedures and test results; when he had bumped into him. Wesker had not showed the slightest reaction though the researcher's surprise had been a delightful sight. After making sure to regain his composure, the man had said, « _Fuck_ me with a test tube! You're like a goddamn shadow moving around, anyone ever told you that? »

Wesker's inner answer was that he'd been called many things, as he merely just smirked and brushed past the man in silence. Albert then had walked down the corridor slowly just so he'd appear cryptic and composed, but as soon as he was out of sight he had started running; deadline oblige. He had also lost foot in the stairway thanks to it being slippery wet for some goddamn reason, but again nobody witnessed that so Wesker had been thankful. He forbade his enigmatic facade to bear the slightest crack of imperfection, of course he was not perfect but nobody else needed to know that. So it had been with half his left leg plus butt being humid that he had kept on his duty, making sure to avoid anyone on his way.

Back to the joyful reunion: the trigger was pulled, a bullet attained the skull and the head exploded all over the wall behind, the body fell into a pool of dirty water. John Howe really ceased to exist then, and the world would keep turning nonetheless. Wesker walked past the corpse while stepping on his hand, the skin detached so he slipped and almost lost foot; regaining balance he stepped back to it and violently kicked the head to expel his frustration. It tore off and bounced in a corner where it left blood before rolling off into a broken vent at ground's level; _score,_ «Little prick. » Albert didn't want to clear the entire complex before the S.T.A.R.S. made it here, though a match in the engine room with the hideous human-insect Chimera freaks would be of no consequence; they kept coming out of the many vents endlessly. He only needed to make sure not to get his limbs lacerated, or getting snatched from the ceiling and strangled mid-air only to be dismembered or eaten alive. But it was fine, he liked these odds. His shades permitted him that much blind confidence.

See what I did there? Again.

Hold on, you mean you missed everything I wrote prior to this one?

Shame.

Though for those who didn't, have some goddamn cookies I just baked.

That's a lie, I never cook.

* * *

Valentine was back in that walkway she had indifferently named the Kenneth-corridor, when she started hearing the most-out-of-tune song. She followed the noise to a door until she swung it open aggravated, « _Fuck sake!_ »

Rebecca stiffened right away, staring with big eyes.

The Alpha closed the door, «Hardly the best method to remain undiscovered; if I had not single-handedly cleaned this whole manor then hordes of zombies would have converged on this position then would have probably broke down the door before feeding on your flesh with rage.»

The Bravo's eyes begun to shun, it made Jill even more impatient because she did not know how to respond to that sort of emotion. Chambers stuttered, «I- I just-»

Valentine stepped closer, «Spare me that. Now don't tell me you've been hiding in here getting drunk. », she said noticing the bar in the back. «You're not even twenty-one yet. »

«I j-just wanted to play a little lon-»

«My bad for asking. Now step aside, you clearly don't understand this masterpiece. », she shoved the teen to her right now taking position in front of the piano.

The medic burst in tears, which went unnoticed, then ran off crying; also ignored.

After playing the Moonlight Sonata for one hour straight, our perfectionist finally got inside the secret passage. She didn't bother with the emblem instead noticed another one of those diaries on the floor. Glad to be humored again, she grinned and picked it up.

'' _Nov. 24, 1967_

 _Days have passed since arriving on this estate, well, more like being held at gunpoint, gagged and dragged here. Now I'm stuck in some dusty secret passage with a view on cobwebs and humidity spots; how did I end up like this? A guy in a lab coat brought me Kraft Diner, saying, ''Sorry to put you through this, but it's for security reasons…..sort of.'' I thought he was apologizing for giving me such a horrendous meal but that's when it hit me, literally; I mean a chunk of material detached from the ceiling and left a bump on the back of my head. It all makes sense now; I designed this room too hastily._

 _There are only three people that know the secret of this mansion; Sir Spacer, me and I. Wait. That makes two; I never was good at math. I truly wonder how I made it as an architect. Point is if they kill me, and they certainly will if they keep feeding me this atrocity; Sir Spacer will be the only person that knows the secret. Meaning it really will be a secret then….But for what purpose? I guess I should have thought this through before agreeing to build this mansion…..I suppose I never was really good at that either._

 _It's too dangerous here; I should know I'm the one who constructed the damn place. My family….I hope they're alright. Hold on. I don't have one… now that was weird._

 _I've decided to escape; quite an undertaking knowing the only weapon available being a toothpick I found in my pocket._

 _Nov. 26, 1967_

 _How could I be so careless? I lost my lucky leaf-clover, now it's going to be that much harder to escape this place!_

 _Nov. 27, 1967 (I specify the time as if it was required, like I'd survive this hell for more than a year…..) Somehow I managed to get out of that room. Turns out a toothpick hurts more than anticipated; ask the guard who now wears it as an ornament in his left eye. Though getting out of this mansion won't be as easy, I misplaced my glasses somewhere. So I'll probably get lost someplace, walk around the entire estate seeking the front door even though I'm the one who designed this damn manor. Go figure.'' –George Tremor_

Our entertained woman whispered for herself, «Dementia and deep depression seems to be a recurring theme with these people. », why couldn't they just enjoy the party? She left the room and solved that clock puzzle in the dining room, her good mood wiped away again when she realized she wasted time for another useless key. With the item still in her hand she rammed her fist through the glass, breaking both objects, then left to go check on Forest.

The two men were still where she had left them though the young recruit had not returned to her teammate's side. But there were more pressing matters, like making sure Speyer was alright. Other than needing a stronger deodorant, Bravo's dark-haired man was fine, so she turned her attention to Richard. His fever had considerably lowered and his arm was bandaged; Jill gave credits to Forest for the considerate act.

Her touch on his arm made Aiken open his eyes, «I'm okay, the others…»

«The others not so much but I'll spare you all the gory details; I'll get you out of here, I just need to explore the rest of the rooms first. Hopefully I'll find something more useful than keys-, » her eyes got thinner, «Hey, how did you cross so many locked doors without-»

Richard suddenly shut his eyes and faked elation, « _Woah!_ Here it comes again! », he groaned, «Damn Jill what was it you gave me? I'm truly high right now, not fit to answer any questions properly— _oh look_! Purple cobras dressed like unicorns! »

She arched a brow but didn't insist. Valentine planned to verify this half of the manor then move them to a safer location, like one of the rooms with the comforting music; that ought to please them both. Other than that there weren't that much place left to reckon and soon she figured they would be able to venture on that path outside. The woman nodded Speyer's direction and left. She crossed the door facing Richard then got assaulted; the woman swiftly popped a tazer device out of nowhere and promptly shoved it against the rotting skin, «Stay! ». Her assailant stiffened and shook violently then his head burst before the body dropped on the floor, cooked. She grinned, «Brutal…»

The door was covered with webs but was as powerless against her magic fingers; still she wondered how the hell Richard was able to enter this room with it being locked. Looks like her getting rid of all the important keys have had no consequence after all. The door creaked open; the scent of a wild animal flew her way, warm and chemical. She knew to expect a threat but still froze when the giant reptile's head swiftly appeared before her; meet your new possible-death named Yawn. That snake was definitely pleased to see her, it kept smiling; perhaps Richard hadn't been so confused after all about them creatures enjoying themselves.

It looked nice, really welcoming, rising from the floor smoothly and towering her. It parted its jaw showing two huge and long fangs dripping with venom, its whole mouth filled with saliva; tiny eyes fixed unto her. The odds might appear inequitable but knowing Jill, everything was feasible. She granted her latest friend with a smirk of her own before aiming at its eye, though the last thing she had expected was for Richard to show up. He _really_ wanted to respect that BUM position of his.

The snake focused on him as the man magically pulled a shotgun from his armpit and promptly pumped the weapon of his uninjured arm, « _Payback ti—!_ », however the barrel hit him in the eye making him stumble backward. Jill opened fire to divert Yawn's attention back on her; it dove towards her as quickly. She leaped out of the way and rolled, already firing again as the reptile turned towards her, its tongue lashing out with the excitement of the fight; and now two meals for the price of one.

Aiken refocused and aimed, now firing as well, shells exploding pieces of scales off the large back. He was being all trigger happy yelling, « _Yeeeeaaaahhhh!_ », Jill had begun smiling because of it, though the fun didn't last long. The reptile hissed, shrieked then fell limp to the floor, saliva spilling forth and covering the wood. The Bravo now had a satisfied appearance about him; Jill walked closer, «Thanks that was great. Anytime you want to repeat the experience, I'm in. » Richard nodded, he finally felt better and maybe once they got out they could eat those cheeseburgers he had dizzily dreamed about.

Well too bad the experience repeated itself sooner than expected; the snake executed another vicious thrust toward the woman. The S.T.A.R.S. tried to shield each others from the attack thus bumped heads awkwardly; though Yawn still got Aiken despite their effort. Decidedly the backup man was cursed with the worse luck. Jill fell on her ass and her head hit the floor, the Bravo screamed in terror as he was gobbled up entirely, seeing face first what the inside of a reptile looks like. Bet the odor was far worse than the rancid air permeating the mansion, too.

Valentine could have uselessly screamed his name if she was dumb plus superstitious that it would provide any help whatsoever; instead she did something more logical and worthwhile. Her body coursing with adrenaline, she used the valuable seconds Richard's sacrifice had granted her to jump on the weapon that had dropped to the floor.

Grabbing it tight with white knuckles, she didn't even bother getting up and started firing immediately, pumping cartridges one after another into the voluminous body of the monster. Shells that she did not even own as well. From this close and now hitting the softer part of the skin, the damages were considerable. The snake didn't even bother with her giving the brutal efficacy of her attack, instead had to turn around and leave. Jill emptied the shotgun on its back as the large form fled along the wall through an opening in the ceiling.

She got up, her legs shaking mildly and breathing a bit faster than usual; still clutching the man's assault shotgun with significant force. It bore the S.T.A.R.S.'s signature, its style was nice and it could hold up to ten shells. As for Aiken, well he was fortunate in his shitty luck as for Chris was being kept in a cell, that way he didn't have to die for a lost cause while being devoured by a mutated shark.

Valentine got back to Forest, «Sorry pal, it's just the two of us now. But you've got no objection to that, now do you Sprayer. » She picked him up the floor, his left leg slowly detaching from his body. «I wish you'd put a little more energy in your pace though. »

* * *

Upon another encounter with Barry, the man realized that crazy woman has been dragging Speyer's corpse around, trying to save something that was already decomposing. When he got closer, subtitles told Valentine to just let him investigate Forest. She instinctively stood between the two men, «No Burry, I won't let you "investigate" Forest….whatever that means. »

«But he's dead! It's fairly obvious, there are many signs Jill! I mean he always had greasy hair but look at him now! »

«He's just tired, that's all. We all have our bad days, take you for example; that time when you completely lost it when you couldn't find your gun-cleaning set. You thought Bread had stolen it for some reason and we all had to stop you from strangling him. I would have let you do it but-»

Barry's face had gotten red with anger, «You just don't understand! », and he left hurriedly, slamming the door, which re-opened due to the brutality of the blow before being torn off its hinges. Jill wondered if he was being so damn annoying because he hadn't been able to eat for over an hour now. Usually Burton eats a juicy steak each hour but if he doesn't his mood changes drastically and every one paid for it. She replaced Speyer upon her shoulder since his arm kept slipping in her grip and off her back, for some reason….

Later she got him to sit on that slim mattress in the comforting room where she had gotten the serum from; he immediately fell on his back. «Yes I know, you're somnolent but come on don't you think this is amusing? Alright Richard died but he's in a better place now…optimistically. » Forest kept mute. «Okay maybe I shouldn't have said that. Then again, Joseph died and probably the rest of your team as well; just as everyone else living on this property and around it. Though we're all professionals, well except for Vickers….and Chambers, so we're aware scenarios like this are likely to occur. »

Valentine glanced at him, laid this way his ribs were even more apparent, crimson bones sticking out under the bright light of the room. She might have turned his head to the side so he wouldn't stare directly into the neon bulb but the luminosity was no problem since he had no eyes to harm. He seemed serene, bird marks all over his naked skin, dried blood plus missing an arm and a leg; but at peace.

She sighed and left, looks like she was to enjoy the good quality times alone.

* * *

Burton was nervous, the stench, stupid traps, the crazies…. and the actual zombies; it formed a nasty mix. Adrenaline seemed to have replaced his bloodstream and the Colt Python was his very best friend now. Oh he'd talk to it out loud here and there, even question it for advice plus counted on its senses to warn him of any danger; and it was not madness but trust. He knew for a fact since his trusty firearm kept repeating him that.

Barry swept the place with the barrel, «Yeah, I like the buddy-system we've got here. If we're out, I mean _once_ we escape this place; steaks are on me. » Saliva filled his mouth at the thought but his attention got diverted back to the danger when a door opened right in front of him.

Reptilian brain snapped in action, fight or flight; one powerful round from the Magnum and the target was sent backward with violence, its pieces decorating the surroundings. The detonation had been loud, the smell of powder tickling his nose like some sweet reward. He congratulated himself on the vivacity of his reaction; his aim had been perfect and the result more than satisfactory.

There was just one, mild, very important problem…. he had obliterated Rebecca. Knowing that she was the medic, things looked grim. The man didn't blink for two long minutes, until he eventually looked around and left.

And Redfield thinks he's got it harsh.


	7. Outdoor Enjoyment

**Outdoor Enjoyment**

Valentine was ready to leave the manor now, before that something quite weird occurred, but _truly_ bizarre this time. She was investigating one more room when she ended up discovering different costumes on hooks; she advanced while glancing at them all. Some were for men others for women, if you gave a damn to dress according to your gender that is, or how a shitty society tells you to dress. There was one in a corny cowgirl-style which almost made her puke on it, that would actually have improved its design. Another was all white and came with a ridiculous golden necklace plus equally appalling high-heels, as Jill looked at it she frowned, «…..so, either they ran out of fabric while creating this attire or the lack of tissue is intentional; either way I'm never wearing this even if my life depended on it.», a tag was on the white dress with the initials E.G. on it.

Then a series of different red clothing were aligned, all bearing a tag saying ' _For Spies ONLY'_ , Valentine still didn't get the joke. The next one was a huge mascot thing that looked like a Chipmunk with a t-shirt on; the tag read _'Agent 47'_ , another reference that flew over her head. There was a nice army outfit that came along with a gray bandana; the tag read _'Cobra Unit's Big Boss'_ but also had a line scribbled in it, _''For better rock-paper-scissors game.''_ There was also a pink skin-tight one-piece which definitely made her vomit this time; impossible to improve that look though. Then there was something she figured people she knew could wear, like the chicken outfit that seemed to have been made for Brad, Chris or Rebecca.

Well there was a bunch of other costumes all linked to characters from many other games but she got incredibly bored and just left the room sighing, not like she ever liked to shop anyway. Sure her outfit was soaked with many bodily fluids and rotted flesh but still it was her favorite clothes so she kept it.

Our beret-wearing, assault-shotgun-pumping enthusiast and Molotov-cocktail-maniac woman faced that heavy locked door outside. Noticing the cherubs she had been tempted to just shoot them all to dust but decided to keep her ammo for more urgent situations. She did not possess the required item to activate the dumb contraption but no worry, that's where the shells come in handy. Well shells fired by a shotgun that is, as for cartridges alone aren't of much help… One loud shot after another, with tiny eyes and a fierce look on her face plus coughing on particles as bits flew around; the mechanism finally surrendered. She stood there admiring her handy work then reloaded her weapon Sarah-Connor-style from 1991's T2: Judgment Day. This door has just been judged, «That's how pros do it. », and pushed the door open with one fast hit of her forehead.

Generating an echoing voice in her skull advising against such an immature and overconfident exploit from now on.

Pushing the heavy door open with her hand, it gave into a shed of sort with tools lying around, except Bard wasn't there; but opening the normal door at her right lead her to the real outside this time. There stood a very friendly forest with naked dark branches, thin strands of ominous fog floating near the ground, an eerie Moon in the sky, dogs howling in the distance, and soon hunted signs with evil roasters twisting wickedly. It also triggered her radio, «Pig's dung, how does this thing work? I can't get any decent music channels with this but static, that's hardly motivating. », someone fidgeted with the frequency some more, «….yeah I know buddy, you like jazz but we'll apparently have to settle for retarded zombie moans. », then it got silent again. Jill added that little episode to her list concerning Barry.

Making her way down the wet and muddy path, she came to a fence. It was crooked and didn't seem solid so she kicked it open; that took care of it but also frightened the evil raven that had been resting on the other side. They took off from the tombstones to attack her; Valentine just ran straight to the other door and rammed the gates closed behind her. Inexplicably, none of the crows could fly over it, figures; she couldn't have made her way through the tall grass and around the first gate earlier, as if some ghastly weird force prevented it.

A tortuous moan was heard coming from farther into the forest. She processed trees couldn't produce such a reverberation no matter how menacing they looked. Our friendless Alpha ascended the little hills, each path leading her deeper into the woods. She also came to realize some deranged maniac had decorated the wooden fences that stood mid-waist on each side; many tiny animals' heads had been rammed down through the pointy ends. Some were from crows, squirrels, rats, leprechauns; although no raccoons were ever seen, which was really odd. «…Nice…» But so far no dogs attacked her; she figured that in their madness, even they weren't crazy enough to come near this area. But who liked security and peace of mind anyway? The scenery was to her liking and the fresh air more than welcoming; because she likes to decimate and is more than acclimatized to violence but what kind of sick fuck would like the smell of rotting flesh mixed with vomit and feces? That's just messed up.

The woman with the nose of steel soon arrived at a decrepit wooden house of sort. The inside was littered with valueless objects such as empty cardboard boxes you couldn't use to do stealth operations, pumpkins, a dismantled toaster, cobwebs and, surprise; a strange smell. The lit fireplace indicated that the house was still being used, so as a joke she wondered if a 'sophisticated', less dirty zombie lived here. While investigating the area she imagined walking upon a decomposed man wearing a black tux and top hat, smoking a cigar plus offering her to snack on a semi-fresh forearm he had found.

The different portions of the place didn't offer much in terms of something she could use unless she wanted to assault monsters with a crank, or a soiled mattress. «Waste of time again. », she was about to exit the filthy bedroom when the front door squeaked open. A glance at her right permitted to see that something unusual was coming her way. Well something even more abnormal than all the previous times. She felt she would need the shotgun for that one, crossing the doorframe leading into the 'living room' she suddenly got mercilessly tickled.

Or so she should have been if anyone on this Earth could gain such a reaction from a hard woman like Valentine. Instead she just stared wide eyed at what stood at her left, «That is a very well-made Halloween mask-» and she got hit over the head. During that blackout she dreamed of how she roasted a certain reptile and ate its delectable flesh. Regaining consciousness, she realized that thing had laid her on the floor near the fire and was now wearing an apron; leaving little doubt as to the scenario that would follow.

Still her beret had not fallen off meaning she was fine, she quickly got up not ready to be sliced and turned into a sandwich. A blue sandwich that would taste like guts and gunpowder. The horribly deformed thing looked at her with its blank eye, the one visible through the putrefying face it was wearing over what was left of its real visage. The thing emitted a short but vivid scream which sent saliva flying everywhere and judging by the sound of it, Jill was facing a human that had been a woman once. No doubt the creature had been horribly tortured or went through hell seeing her bruised skin, the shackles around her wrists and chains at her ankles; not to mention her whole appearance, but now wasn't the right time to scrutinize this intricate character.

The Alpha tried to run passed the female but she was faster, and quite stronger, than her thin limbs lead to believe. The blow hit Valentine in the face with brutal force making her almost fall backward, staggered for two seconds and blinked multiple times to clear the blur. Jill lifted the shotgun and fired once, two, three, four times at close range before her attacker fell. While reloading she stared at the transformed monster resting at her feet, it seemed to be going through some healing process; small appendages like tentacles protruding from her head with a sick wet sound and more saliva. If it was really regenerating then there was no use standing there and waste all her ammunition.

The soldier was nearing the door when she heard the creature getting up, the chains rattling behind her. Jill turned around, wanting to know how fast the enemy was in order to plan ahead accordingly especially if they crossed path again. The long bruised legs traversed the doorframe slowly, the Alpha had the information she wanted and left. That woman was slow on her feet but her long limbs made up for reach where she seemed to lack in speed; and her strength was far superior. No matter what that woman went through, whatever she was now; Valentine knew she had met more than her match.

Know when you are beaten; it is not a sign of weakness but intelligence and does not necessarily equal being powerless: then devise around such an obstacle.

* * *

Chris felt like nearing hypothermia, and he _might_ have been certain that it was not a good thing. That's when it hit him that he should have sliced his throat with his knife instead of using his t-shirt. That also should have dawned upon him way earlier when the malevolent torturer was taking his vest away. He always was such a loser at thinking, now his sole weapon was gone and he was stuck here for who knows how long. His teeth clattered together, «…m-mean…ny Capta….f-f-f-fuck, cold…» He was certain that if his breath could produce vapor, it would depict sad faces.

Now we all know Rebecca had it easy.

* * *

Not pursued by her horrible new friend, Jill went back to that shed linked to the mansion and used the remaining door, finding herself outside again. As she stepped forward she saw that three Dobermans were roaming ahead, that's when her radio shrieked; the canines waited patiently for it to finish before attacking her.

«This is Bread! Listen, I'm sorry, I abandoned you guys to certain death in Hell itself. In the meantime I went over some place to have diner. I know it was not okay to do that; I shouldn't have….that food joint serves horrendous meal. Look at least I came back, I'm still drenched in piss though, should have thought to change pants then. Seriously, you don't know the torture of it all, having to sit through this cold bodily fluid; surely it has to be _far worse_ than what you guys are enduring in that grisly manor. You can't possibly grasp the depth of my agonizing soul right now. If you people weren't so damn selfish and hurried it up, we could go home and I'd be able to change underwear. It really is getting horribly itchy, have some goddamn heart! What did I ever do to you-», sobs were heard before the communication was lost again.

Valentine pressed the button but only heard static, «Shit, it's giving me the mute treatment again. »

Immediately afterwards she got her faced chewed off by one of the dogs as it leapt off it; she stumbled backward but turned that into a roll before quickly grabbing a plant nearby before shoving it inside her mouth. Now standing up ready, chewing on "medicinal" leaves, a second canine charged her way and as it leaped she executed a spin kick, the powerful motion exploding its head. She was grabbing her shotgun when the third Cerberus jumped but the detonation sent bits flying everywhere. A growling to her right made her reposition before firing again thus obliterating the first MA-39 that had attacked her. She pumped more shells in the barrel, «To think I wanted to get myself a nice Doberman...», she cocked the gun, «I'll actually buy two seeing they're so awesome. »

She stepped in the blood as she walked past, admiring the vines and starry sky. Crossing the double gate, she faced some sort of barrage. Jill wondered how people usually cross to the other side when she noticed a control panel at her left, with a squared hole in its middle, probably to insert a crank. She sneered, that was the obvious solution but there was always more than one approach to every problem. Valentine jumped into the water; hopefully it'll suffice to remove the stench from her clothes too, even just a little.

Our drenched survivor went down a small elevator and got reunited with her dark feathered friends, the evil raven; the one facing her was staring intently with its comic eyes. Hey she's got nothing against birds, she always found their plumage beautiful, with their reflecting dark blue-purple hues and could appreciate their peculiar chant in most cases… just not when they're savagely attacking in packs, trying to pluck her eyes out and claw her skin open, _all_ while defecating on her.

She started walking slowly past the first one, under every attentive eye tracking her movements and two vocalized their interest. Well one of them must not have liked the color of her beret or something and flew off, immediately followed by the others, so she duck-rolled and dashed across the paved ground past the nice waterfall then through the double gates. Now a pathway covered with similar stones zigzagged under some nicely furnished trees; so much small poisonous snakes dropped off them and tried to attack her.

Decidedly this complex and its surrounding was a very welcoming place, perfect for vacation.


	8. Residential Area of Wickedness

**Residential Area of Wickedness**

The passageway led to a Residence area with plain decor made of wood, nothing fancy like the mansion. Still there would be a few secret contraptions in here as well, thank deranged minds for that. Well the scenery might be plain but it did not lack action or foul air. Jill avoided being poisoned by hairy giant spiders; they stared at her with their multiple eyes as if they hadn't eaten for days, which was probably the case. Their abdomen would burst open once they died, releasing flows of green venom plus white offspring that she easily crushed under her boots. She neared the counter of a bar and picked up a book titled ' _Bondage with Blood'_ , reading it again she realized she misread the first word 'Bandage', «Creepy still….», she left it there and lit her hands on fire to rid them of filth before continuing to explore the other quarters.

The Alpha was preoccupied with luscious thoughts regarding a certain blond person when she turned a corner and was assaulted by a green tentacle; she immediately took her knife out and started to savagely puncture many holes in it. The violent motions also stabbed right through to her skin but nothing medicinal plants couldn't fix. The attacker soon loosened its grip and disappeared through the hole it came from making her almost lose balance. Looking back at what surrounded her, she realized this could have been easily avoided. Three boxes rested near the wall at her left, there was also a hole in the wooden floor and the crates had been placed as if to provide passage. Plus there were signs on the opposite wall which read ' **Mutated plant tentacle here and it sucks blood. Use crates**.' all pointing to the hole. She coughed and replaced her hat before crossing the door, reminding herself to stay focus in such a treacherous environment rather than let her mind wander on even more dangerous territories. Detaching three leaves from a green plant she then shoved one through each triple cuts in her left leg.

There was a long corridor giving on two other doors, the first was locked but before she could force it open, a woman yelled behind the other. Jill ran to it and slammed it open, revealing Barry that was now pointing his gun at her, again. Well at least he didn't fire…she frowned, «Button? Where's the damsel in distress? »

His face flushed red and he turned around, «Oh, you heard that, huh…»

She moved closer, «What's going on, Burry? »

«Talking to myself. »

«…you mean, you have an imaginary friend? »

He faced her again «Look I don't have to justify myself to anyone, least to someone like you who carries a dead man around with her. »

«ButtOn-»

He abruptly leveled his hands, palms up with arched fingers, «I have a _family,_ for fuck's sakes! », on that he pushed her aside into a desk and left. Valentine could only stare again, now realizing she had forgot one of her rule concerning the man. Oh well, not like he could do her any harm, «That's Belly Button we're talking about, not like he'd shoot me or something. » Satisfied with her theory, she visited the bathroom finding yet another useless key therefore she squatted and aggressively rammed it down into the corpse that way lying there. She stood up while cursing then heard the sound of a door opening. For an instant she thought that maybe moody-Burton had come back to apologies, because he clearly did so all the other fucked up times that he lost it; but she immediately rectified that if it had been him then the floor would be complaining under his massive body.

Her handgun ready, she went back to the other side and aimed at the pallid hairless head, Jill didn't wait for the man to turn his anxiously hungry bony hands toward her before she rushed his meeting with death. The body fell to the floor yet making that particular wet sound like all the others, sadly it was becoming routine-like and Valentine had stopped paying him attention as soon as the bullet had attained the target. Maybe if she did she wouldn't have stepped on his leg thus ripping the weakened flesh off making her slip and hit her face on the nearby desk.

Same small table Barry had pushed her in, clearly it hated her.

She rubbed a paste of green plant over her visage and got up, saw that newspapers were scattered across the bed and someone seemed to have puked blood all over them. The woman deciphered Brainless Irons' face on the front page of one, «That explains it. » He always looked like some hairy, gross sweaty pig smoking a cigar and-, she felt the vomit come up her esophagus so she looked elsewhere. To her left stood two shelves full of books, a poster hung on the wall read 'secret ladder behind, over there'. She pushed the shelves only aided by the tip of her strong index, fortunately she was able to since apparently women are never strong enough in RE games to shove anything; hell Rebecca couldn't even push a goddamn small bookshelf in RE Zero! That's just fucking illogical and very stupid. Shit I know it's little scrawny Chambers we're talking about but enough with the goddamn stereotyped pattern. Next Valentine went down into some underground cement passage way, she turned another corner which gave on a hole filled with water. «Again, how did the employee crossed this? »

She did as before and swam to the other side; the adjacent room was entirely filled with water. It was actually an underground Aqua Ring filled with new sociable friends, code name Neptune FI-03, and _famished beyond belief_. From where she stood on the catwalk, the liquid went from her waist down but she could see the lower level had been transformed into one giant fish tank. Except that the kind of marine specimen that were roaming in here were great white sharks, and evil hungry ones. It was hard to run in this much water but she did her best knowing that it would be that much harder if she lost her legs. The sharks easily maneuvered in the liquid, two fins rapidly converging on her position also triggered a song that recommended hurrying up. «Perfect timing. » Fortunately she got up some stairs and wouldn't be eaten alive just yet. If sharks could convey how pissed they were they'd level their fins out of the water to mirror humans giving the fingers.

Then she descended a ladder that gave into a control room and when she tried to activate the emergency system draining mechanism, a much bigger Neptune violently rammed in the protective glass. Despite the thickness of the window it slit in many places like snakes coursing through the material. It stared at her with its black eye and it was smiling, too. During the time this occurred, and among the emergency alarm being triggered no less, she vaguely recalled that most zombies seemed to have that happy air about them as well, just like the giant snake. Perhaps this was another side effect of whatever had happened here, they all seemed so cheerful.

The severity of the situation was once again recalled to her as an announcement was made in German, ' _Dringlichkeit. Dringlichkeit_.' Jill looked around, «…what? » Then the voice switched to some Asian woman with an accent, ' _'Unknown source of pressure detected. Activate emergency draining system immediately_.'' Some pacing around was required to deactivate this or pull that and in between she was forced to reestablish the oil pressure then repeat the previous steps. All while the shark rammed another time against the glass, accelerating the process of augmenting the pressure. After having successfully achieved not dying once more, the protective shield slowly covered the weakening glass, eventually, and then she pulled the lever allowing the water to be drained. «Well this has been quite fun. »

When she got to the lower level one of the remaining fish was vainly moving on the floor, and although dying it was still healthy enough to jump on the spot from amazing height. Jill wondered if they could still harm her if she got too close but didn't test it since she needed all of her limbs to finish this mission. She put it out of its misery though, no need to be an ass and stand there while shaking a glass of water in front of it as it died; slowly, very slowly it seems as they could just panic there for all eternity without dying.

She walked to the rear of the room, now realizing how big the Aqua Ring is, making sure not to step too close to the bigger, really _great_ white shark that was resting on its side, seemingly taking a nap in the small pool of water there. Valentine stepped onto the platform and something shun in her face so she had to protect herself with her arm, until she saw that it came from another key. Now the pressure arose within her quickly, «Damn it all to _hell_ you've got to be **fucking kidding me** _,_ another one of those _**fucking piece of**_ _ **shit useless**_ _ **damn shitty**_ -», all the commotion made the FI-03 restless so it tried to bite her head off, fortunately it only managed to destroy the handrail.

Now it was staring at her, still smiling, «Adorable. », unfortunately she had no decoy to feed it with, now that's when Chris would have come in handy but too bad. Still, rather insensitive…. feeding this beautiful Neptune such a nasty meal. Well she kicked the control panel down into the water then flipped the switch on, frying both the creature and the machine. It stiffened and shook violently for a good seventeen seconds until its spasms became mild, she then stepped down and poked it. She removed her glove to run her palm across the cold soft skin in amazement, now she could also claim to have touched a giant mutated evil shark.

Valentine got back to the Residence and inspected another room; she was welcomed by a body hanging from the ceiling, softly balancing with the rhythm of the cord producing a sound you could never get enough of. Somehow.

Or it's just me.

After making sure he was really dead, and pushing the man for him to swing faster just for the laugh, she investigated the small area. She found a self-defense handgun and under it a suicidal note; she picked it up fast already looking forward to its content.

'' _June 22, 1998_

 _I had to do it. We ran, helping each other to survive, pushing others in the hands of those things so we could escape. Naturally I wouldn't feel proud about such an act of cowardice but they were people that had been asses to me, so that justifies it. Then Robert started to show the symptoms, and they're not pretty. I had to do it, took his head and bashed it against the wall, somewhat repeatedly. He might not have done it the same way but that's my method and he couldn't argue anyway._

 _After violently killing him- rather, putting him out of his misery; I had to leave him in the bathroom. Now I realize it was a bad idea for I need to piss. I have to kill myself before I turn so might as well do it without having my bladder empty on me afterwards. Anyway, the wastebasket will have to do…._

 _I prepared the noose and all I need is a little courage to get it done. I could always use the handgun on my desk to do it quick and painless, but to hell with it. I'll just vainly wiggle up there, neck hurting, veins protruding; thinking about how the gun was a better idea, until much later, I will finally pass out._

 _Linda, I'm sorry I'll miss your birthday, but I assume you can forgive my absence for the simple fact that dead people don't show up at parties._

… _Not usually.''_

Staring at the corpse made her wonder where their Captain could be, perhaps he was dead somewhere too, in a dark corner. She figured he'd pass out in a shadowy corner, that's where he always liked to be, he liked dark things. Jill spaced out for thirty seconds, which made for an amusing view seeing she was looking retarded while standing beside a cadaver that was swinging from the ceiling peacefully. Drool slowly formed at the corner of her mouth then down her chin before she snapped out of it, wiping her lips and chin.

Well now it was time to go cross that door she had skipped thanks to Barry screaming, but doing so she got assaulted by large mutated bees, their sting were huge and it kept coming out trying to puncture her face. Being so mercilessly chased made her throw a Molotov at the nest and watched it burn, shaking her head, «They really fucked up everything. When is it that I'm going to meet mutated water or trees? Why not mutated cats? Would have _absolutely_ _loved_ to shoot those. », but too bad since Aya Brea is the one who got that chance.

Valentine heard one last bee and turned around, noticed a dead man resting in the corner but also the insect that was attacking his face. «Persistent, aren't we. » She shot it, the insect blew into a cloud of yellow liquid and bits, it also dropped a honeycomb cereal. The man had been dead for a while, painfully crooked hands stuck mid-air near his face which was swollen in many places. No doubt he'd been pricked to death, and the stabbing had kept happening afterward as well. What a shitty way to die. The soldier unlocked another door then crossed another secret entry, «Probably leading into an additional secret room into a hidden trap-», when suddenly the air that blew in her face was hot and rancid, chemically floral. A tentacle passed over her head, leading her eyes to the ceiling where a giant bulb was hanged.

No one had to be a specialist in flora to know this was not your typical vegetation, and she recalled the green limb that had tried to tear her leg off earlier right when another surprised her from behind. It coiled around her waist quickly lifting her from the floor, now she had a better view and saw how many there were; all as thick and equipped with tiny spikes. It was moving its new pray around in all directions, making her dizzy and already sucking on her blood plus the force of its grip made it hard to breathe. The humid air and many spores burned her lungs and eyes, this was certainly not good, Jill had to formulate a plan else she'd be dead under two minutes. The thickness of the appendage and the strength applied on her back made it impossible for her to bend accordingly, the knife on her right leg was out of reach and biting into that chemically toxic member was not an option.

Welcome to Plant 42's chamber and domain; please stay and be its little snack as it literally sucks life out of you.

That's when a tornado blasted into the room, one with a red vest and a beard. « _What is this?!_ », well Jill hoped he wasn't getting into one of his fits in which he remains motionless while repeating the same damn thing over, else they were both fucked.

The tentacle whooshed her around violently, « _Burry-!_ »

That giant mutant and now Valentine, Burton saw two good reasons not to stick around but the plant was quicker than his decision. He got lifted off the floor as easily, though he was equipped with a flamethrower therefore the odds were now against the foe. A stream of orange spat its way, burning the tentacles and petals in relentless succession, making it squirm even more and shriek in its own style.

Barry got slammed into the handrail subsequently smashing it then hurled on the floor knocking his head, before the limb returned mid-air panicking thus dizzying him some more and almost making him set himself on fire. The smell became sourer until the bulb finally started to shrink on itself, losing its petals and soon the appendages followed. The S.T.A.R.S. dropped to the floor; Burton landed on a dead tentacle thus received tiny spikes in his left butt cheek.

Valentine hold her ribs while she got up, staring at the ceiling where the receding vegetal now stood silent and looking like a small dried fruit. «Too bad that's not edible. I thought I was finished. »

«Me too…. I thought you were finished…. »

Something was heard snapping so she looked Barry's way, he was holding his back groaning. Jill made a step forward, «Wait, let me help. ».

His eyes got wider and he suddenly spoke very fast, « _No don't you come any closer don't touch anything don't even stare at it._ » he grunted, « I'm fine, just some minor, extremely painful, predicament. »

«You don't seem that convinced. I know how to fix a sprained back-»

«And I know what I'm doing! Just, leave me here; I'll investigate this room for a couple more minutes…. or hours. Something just bothers me about it, for some reason- so I'll just stay here, at least until I figure out what troubles me. We should split up again; that always prove to be the safest course of action and bear superior results. Proof, you almost died a minute ago; that would have saved me a lot of pain later, like right now…. »

«Alright, and Burry; thanks. »

Knowing how he truly felt towards her, seeing her smile in gratitude was painful to him….. I mean being forced to look up in that way was really agonizing on his back. Before she left though she saw something shun from an old fireplace at the far end of the room. Jill walked to it but Burton stared her way in complete wonder and somewhat panicked when she started firing at the floor, wasting an entire magazine in that fashion before pacing back to the door with heavy steps. «Fucking keys, I swear they only exist to infuriate me. » and left under the puzzled gaze of the man.

The door closed, leaving Barry with the carbonized stench in this awkward position, «…why….this hurts….», he couldn't even reach his Magnum now, «Don't you just stand in your casing like that, do something…!»

The woman was making her way back to the exit when she heard an atrocious desperate scream; she figured she was better leaving Burton to his own method. Crossing the door leading back to the corridor she heard gunshots, she ran to it because it was obviously safe to surprise someone who was firing, more so to just run into their line of fire at that time. The first thing she noticed were two spherical attributes she could have mistaken with none others, «Wesker! »

The Captain only turned his face half around, keeping aim at some invisible enemy he only could see; strange since they weren't into 'Invisible Enemy Mode'. Valentine's eyes moved upward on his face once he finally turned around completely, «Jill… So you're safe. So far. »

She did a weird and rapid movement with her fists clenched and exclaimed, «That's what I was going to say! Except, of course, I wouldn't have called you Jill…», she stepped closer.

«I thought I would find your horribly-mutilated corpse in some dark corner. »

«That's also what I was going to say! »

«Well, looks like we're both disappointed…» Seeing her being abnormally passionate, he felt like putting some distance between them so he walked past her before stopping near the farthest window. That's when he noticed that something was wrong in the reflection, «…why do you have plant leaves poking out of your left leg…..? »

«No medic calls for improvisation. So, where did you disappear to? ButtOn and I searched for you, well I mainly did while he fondly caressed his firearm and stood around being useless—I even looked under the smelly carpet but you weren't there. »

He very briefly grinned before turning her way, «I guess I should apologies, but I'm not feeling like it. »

Her eyes thinned, «You _have_ feelings? »

«I had to leave in a hurry, my hair was undone; a most important matter you'll understand. »

She kept silent.

«I required a mirror in order to replace my hair carefully, the floor was not a sufficiently reflective surface; there was nothing else I could have done. »

She remained completely still and quiet, they stared at each other for a minute until Wesker opened his mouth again, «Right, that's definitely getting a bit troubling now, even from you Valentine. And frankly I won't allow anyone to surpass me in that domain so unless you speak I'll be compelled to hurl my knife into your toe to force you out of that stupor. »

The woman blinked, «Right your hair needed fixing. It was without doubt a matter that overshadowed every other, exponentially more significant, factor. I agree. », she coughed. «Anyway, it's good that you're still in one piece, some of us didn't have that chance; but more importantly you're safe… and alive. Might have switched the order of some of these words, because being safe and in one piece isn't that much imperative if you happen to be dead. »

He didn't reciprocate but looked to the right, saying, «Did you noti-»

«Oh yes. »

His face remained to the side except his eyes moved on her, «No, have you notice-»

«Absolutely, yes. »

The white face turned her way now, «Valentine, is there any problem I should be aware of regarding your cognitive abilities? Because I'm positive I can fix it with a well-placed backhand slap. »

«Apologies, Sir. »

He eyed her some more before continuing, «Barry, he sounded a little… _extremely fucked up?_ »

«No. He's always like that. »

«Maybe it's quite natural under these circumstances. »

«What 'circumstances'? »

«I mean, it's not really our standard operation. »

«That doesn't explain it. I'm doing just fine, why wouldn't he? Because he's got a family and a dog that none of us know about? Again, that's no excuse. »

His brows slightly narrowed, «Never mind. Our first priority is to get out of here. », he said that while turning towards the wall.

Jill frowned, «I'm, standing right here. »

He faced her again, «There are still rooms in that mansion we can't get into because they're locked up. »

«Well everyone seemed to be doing just fine earlier, crossing them as if they were mere ghosts while _I_ had to use my lock pick. So what changed? »

«Would you mind making sense? Anyway, I've, been looking for ways, to…»

«Charming, that sounds mysteriously inviting, what have you got in mind? »

He promptly neared and slapped her, «Get a grip Valentine; have you been overdosing on them so-called medicinal plants? »

«Alright perhaps putting them in direct contact with my hemoglobin via syringe wasn't such a good idea, _orrr_ maybe it was. Anyway I was just looking forward to some Close Quarter 'Contact' with a certain Captain to embellish this get-together, but since you insist on visiting every corner of that mansion then so be it; I'll scrutinize the hell out of it. »

«I'm counting on you. »

«Of course you are, everyone else is utterly fucking useless or dead. »

On that she left as the Captain tried his best not to shoot the woman in the back, seeing he's such a secretly evil sociopath and stuff. He then went to the far end of the hallway noticing a hole in the wall, hearing some strange buzzing he neared his face, until he got savagely assaulted by angry bees that had survived the purge. Albert vigorously moved his arms about trying to shield his face as his skin was relentlessly punctured over, running to the closest door while cursing quite loud.

I'm afraid his sunglasses were of no help here.


	9. BOW Payback & Cavern of Hell

**B.O.W. Payback & Cavern of Hell**

Our survivor in blue clothing was done with the Residence and stepped outside once more. Every time Jill ventured outdoor her radio would beep and send the annoying voice of Brad saying the same damn thing 'This is Bread!', as if we didn't know his name already. That alone sufficed to make her not rejoice so much at the prospect of getting outside; she knew she would be assaulted yet again by his redundant message. As she was making her way through the passage with poisonous snakes falling from above, Vickers made his presence known yet again.

«This is Bread! Come in! ».

She sighed heavily and grabbed her radio, «This is Jill. Do you hear me, Bread? Over. »

«It's Bread! If yo—give me a s- peanut butter here-»

«Bread? This is Jill. Over. »

«I'm Bread. I've been- can you- me? I repe-been worried sick, -more sick than worried though-. Can anyon- stiff buttocks-? »

«This is **still** Jill. Bread? _Bread!_ »

They kept repeating their names for two hours. Even Barry ran past her during that time period, looking at her as if she was highly deranged but the woman didn't even notice. Until Jill became angry, finally, and leveled her voice, « _DAMN IT BREAD_ _you can't even say your name right!_ I'm the one formulating all names wrong so don't copy my style! And stop disregarding communication protocols! Over. »

«…..This is Bre—»

She promptly cut him off before throwing the radio on the floor; it split in half puking its circuit out. «Shit, it's definitely broken now. »

The S.T.A.R.S.'s self-proclaimed Annihilator got back into the shed and found another note on the wall signed by Barry. ' _'Use this thing to protect us from that bullet-proof freak in chains. I went ahead and ran._ '' Valentine looked around except she found nothing but a shovel. She frowned, «…Is this what _Burry_ want me to use?... See what I did there? », unfortunately for her the walls aren't endowed with brains cells so they didn't smirk.

When Valentine entered the mansion again she realized, and rather painfully as her left arm got chopped off, that the whole place had been invaded by the fast Hunters. She blew her attacker's brains out by shoving the shotgun inside its mouth as it shrieked, then as it clawed the floor dying she brusquely jammed an Aid Spray nozzle right up her bleeding stump. «Right, after clearing this funfair of putrid humans I now have to rid it of a super-reptilian army, plus they perforate my ear drums with their war cry. »

Could have been worse, like having to rescue a certain medic on the second floor as she was being useless yet again; or yet hearing her repeat ' _'Billy HELP!_ '' over as she just wouldn't fall from that damn hole, even after twenty minutes of waiting for her to just let go already.

I know; heartless.

For Billy.

But that'll teach him to have ridiculous upper-lip facial hair despite having a somewhat cool tattoo.

Further inside, our non-permanent amputee stumbled upon the corpse of Rebecca; Jill recognized the uniform as it was impossible to identify the Bravo by her face since her entire upper body had exploded. That and she was the only other woman in their team so it was literally an evident deduction. Still, the way she had been obliterated, only one weapon could have done such a remarkable job and only one man was equipped with it in the manor. Well if Barry had to unload his frustration into someone, better Chambers than her.

Valentine looked around the young recruit's pockets for ammo but didn't find any. She had not known the girl for long but didn't expect her to be that cheap. «Kids, so ungrateful these days. »

The woman went down a long corridor that was filled with suits of armors holding shields with deadly spikes on them. In the middle of the way was a small pedestal with a key fixed in it, the veins-throbbing woman shot the damn thing then kept walking. After forcing the door at the end of the passage, she got reunited with an old friend again, no not Barry; I wrote a _friend._

She was walking beside tons of books when a window crashed behind her, quickly aiming back she saw that familiar green face with the tiny yellow eyes. Its black tongue lashed out with all of its attention focused on the human, it was similar for her as she lit a bottle before throwing the object its way. Yawn hissed, surely it felt the heat; the books definitely were doomed though, well so much for art and knowledge.

The snake executed a vicious thrust her way, biting her plus pushing her off the ledge, she managed not to break her neck on the first floor… too bad for her left wrist though. And to think it had just grown back, too. The reptile slid down the length of the wall with ease, hissing with elation, making its way around the other set of shelves in the library. Jill applied spray in her face and- « _ **Shit**_ _that burns!I»_ , palms covering her eyes, she was now enemy made no sound while moving but its hissing would have to do, cursing again she readied the shotgun, listening attentively.

Now that was sport, she licked her lips and quickly aimed at her right when she sensed it being there; the only sound she got was the cartridge exploding a portion of the floor. She analyzed, _I must have aimed a little too high and it flew over its body_ , she felt her rival revolving around her now like it did in the attic. Instinctively, she rolled on the side colliding into its body, her assailant made a sound as she stuck the barrel straight on it and fired, then it spat with anger. Valentine knew the chance of it attacking instantaneously after she did was high thus she already was out of the way when Yawn lunged right where she had been.

She quickly calculated, _means its head is now right there,_ so she fired again, opening her eyes, saw blurred forms and started unloading the weapon into the bigger stain of the two. One of its eye got blown, the snake attacked back with renewed vehemence but its sight was less precise now so only her arm got stuck inside its mouth up to her shoulder. She fell on her knees but kept firing, the barrel of the shotgun was deep inside so the blow ripped through the soft fragile tissue. It screamed, she got released and groaned between clenched teeth as fangs cut through her skin while the reptile quickly pulled away. The snake hurled its head backward, spit spilled forth, now its massive body hitting the nearby shelf before falling inanimate on the floor with a loud noise. Jill got up while blinking rapidly, put the barrel on its head and pulled the trigger again; she would not wait for it to flinch back to life.

Biggest trophy so far.

Her arm was bleeding but she slapped a plant on it before moving closer to the Yawn's body, putting her ear against the skin, «Richard? You still alive in there? » It was stupid but she just had to try, no way would he have survived the gastric juice of this monster, more so because it was a giant snake with even stronger toxic bodily fluids. But if he did survive think about the stories that would make! Her breathing was slowing down; she waited a couple more seconds and then said, «Well, at least you're not hurting anymore, huh Richard. »…. had asked 'does it never not hurt?', well be careful what you wish for.

Well now visiting the last areas in the mansion, Valentine almost got splattered between two walls as they closed in on her, another one of OsNotWell Spacer's idea of a good time. She ventured into humid passage occupied by more spiders and decomposing buddies. As hours went by the zombies became more and more damaged, dark black fluid came out of them as they were literally falling apart. None of that helped to improve the overall stench, you can never get used to that.

Eventually our reptilian-annihilator went back to fetch Forest, it was time to leave this place in hopes to find an exit that would really be a way out this time. When she entered the room the man tried to hug her, «Hey, didn't think you'd miss me that much. We got t-», he kept trying to embrace her, «Listen you can always thank me later once we're out of here. How about we eat cake toget-» what was left of his upper jaw touched her neck and that's when she really pushed him, « _Down_ Forest!», his weak leg didn't support the Bravo so he fell backward hitting his head on the bed frame. Jill heard something crack, afterwards he managed to turn on his front, «I didn't mean to give you brain damage but what is wrong with you? I warn you if you keep this up I'll get physical. »

Yet he anxiously moaned as he was now trying to get up despite his two limbs missing, «I can't understand you when you talk like that. » Speyer's sole response was to complain again, his empty sockets staring at her. Poor zombie missing his lower jaw couldn't even accomplish the only thing he really wanted to; now that's pure unfairness. Forest finally just dragged his decomposed self to her legs, its one valid hand trying to get a grip on the floor, all his nails being torn off, pushing himself with his remaining leg. «Okay, I guess you _are_ listening to me about the 'down' part…. »

At least he was faster than a tortoise, and soon his head was close to her leg but Jill didn't let him do anything else. She kicked his skull subsequently breaking his neck, gurgling sounds were heard and dark liquid spilled out. Speyer still tried to get a taste of her boots even though his head was twisted at an inhumane angle. She rammed her heel down; breaking the spinal column completely this time so he stopped moving.

Before leaving, the Alpha picked up the bed sheet and covered his body, «Go back to sleep.», no more Faux-Rest for Forest.

Well Burton will definitely never get those twenty cents back now. Life is so cruel.

* * *

Wesker had been pursuing Enrico into the humid tunnels; it was really like hunting down an animal except that it was equipped with a handgun and wearing a mustache. Albert had the advantage though, and not only because he wore sunglasses, but for the fact that he knew these tunnels and Marini did not. Don't ask how it is that he does. Goddamn it I said _don't!_

It didn't take long for the Captain of Bravo team to seal his doom by running into a dead end. He turned around, listening to the calm footsteps of his pursuer echoing everywhere, until the Alpha appeared around the corner. His white face wasn't as emotionless as it usually was and the scenario felt even more eerie in this place.

Enrico leveled his weapon, «You wanna play you fucking pathetic piece of shit!? _**Take this**_ _!_ », a resonating 'clic' was heard then his finger twitched, producing yet another 'clic'.

His nemesis had been standing near the exit, staring, but when the second empty noise was heard a grin formed at the corner of his mouth. «You always were such an unlucky man...», he started advancing, clearly delighted by the turn of events and having the other man at his complete mercy. «Or is it due to your sole stupidity? You _do_ know you have to reload from time to time? »

Marini's face turned red with anger, «Fucking sociopath…yeah you can say you're lucky I ran out of ammo but now you can taste my fists, and I'm glad I can finally break your damn shades along with that stupid face of yours! » The man stepped forward to meet the blond and flung his fist rapidly. Although experienced in Close Quarter Combat techniques, Albert was younger than the Bravo subsequently healthier than a somewhat overweight and older man who was in the bad habit of smoking. Plus Wesker's sunglasses gave him super powers, so Enrico was clearly at a disadvantage.

Albert dodged the couple of punches the other sent his way, letting the brown-haired man humor him for a while, then executed a spin kick sending Marini flying to the side right into the stone wall. The man groaned, Wesker's face had returned to its unreadable mask as he quickly closed in, blocked another incoming attack before grabbing the man's neck. He squeezed with unprecedented anger, his fingers digging into the skin and letting out a grunt as he leveled Enrico off the floor.

His head already feeling like it could explode, Marini sent his knuckles into the Alpha's stomach but all it did was anger Wesker more, which was hinted by the way his jawbones were visibly tensed under his skin. Albert's mouth was as firmly closed as his grip on the man's neck, fingers tried to pry the hand open again but Enrico was this close from passing out when the attacker unexpectedly let go.

Bravo's leader dropped to the floor, holding his neck and coughing violently, breathing air in by spasms. His persecutor towered him, voice filled with disgust, «You're the one who's pathetic, a sorry piece of shit such as you deserve to die like one.», he pulled his handgun out and aimed at the man's forehead, «Don't worry, I'll let your wife know how dead you are by sending her a picture.» Albert made the mistake to savor the moment again, allowing Burton to walk on them.

«…Captain? »

The one concerned half turned around, «…do you mind? Your chum's not feeling so well, I'm doing him a favor. As for you, leave. »

Burton stared and the Captain's voice became colder, «That's an order, Burton. »

«Yeah, okay, but I'm only doing this for my family. », and he left running.

Albert's face turned to Enrico again, who was now holding a grenade, smiling fiercely. However Wesker's visage remained as unresponsive which greatly annoyed Marini, «For fuck's sakes, what kind of robotic freak are you? I'm holding a fucking grenade plus I tied your boot laces to mine when you got busy chatting. That means you're as good as dead. »

The Alpha diverted his attention, «Look at you poor fool, you can't even handle one simple gun let alone a grenade; the pin is still in. » Enrico glanced at the object but it was quickly removed from his grasp and tossed aside before he got hit in the face. «Easy prey. », Wesker was about shooting when he got interrupted again, he heard something hit the floor hard and curse painfully.

He sighed, grabbed Marini's legs and savagely broke them so he wouldn't escape. Not having time to undo the knots he just somehow removed his boots then hid into a dark alcove. Seven seconds later, someone walked passed him so he listened.

See what I did there….? Stereotype dark corner mentioned earlier in the Residence by Jill and Wesker, plus seven as in a wink to RE 5's seven minutes?….yup. Just making sure you're paying attention else that might have been another humor-thing lost in the void like ones I didn't underline.

No cookies this time, I ran out…. stuffed my face, to be more precise.

* * *

Valentine got back outside where that nice waterfall was; she walked through it seeing that the only thing preventing her doing so was harmless water, and discovered another hidden passage. She was descending the ladder when her wet boot slipped followed by her grip on the bar. The contact with the ground below was not painless more so because she landed on a pointy rock, cursing she shut her eyes tight and pushed her face forward during the motion which granted her forehead to be rammed into the lower bar.

She shoved a leaf back there in her underwear and continued, two doors later she was making her way through a shadowy passage as a voice came to her, « Jill, is that you? Somehow I recognized your footsteps…. »

«Is that stupid's voice Martinis'? »

He rolled his eyes, «It's 'Marini'. »

The woman turned the corner and saw the team leader seated there, she wondered if he'd just been dozing off while freezing his ass on the cold rock, until she noticed his legs being at an awkward angle plus someone's boots were attached to his for some reason. She tried to get closer but he leveled his hand, «Stop! Are you with anybody, Jill? »

«….weird set up for asking me if I'm single... »

«wha—no, are you alone? »

«Yes, definitely; as far as I know everyone else is dead. »

«Well here's what might explain it; Umbrella set us up! »

«UmBurial? »

«No, Umbrella. »

«Yes, UmBurial. »

«…..damn it Valentine, S.T.A.R.S.'s got a mole….! Some infiltrator, secret agent, a spy, someone's a traitor-» A pair of socks with holes in them appeared at the corner behind Jill as Marini kept talking, «… a blond piece of-», he suddenly got shot in the gut.

Valentine looked back, no one was in sight, «Well what do you know, evil tunnels and they're armed, too. Hmm, but what was that about a blond spy? The only fair haired man that is still alive is Wesker; and he is not dressed in red so it can't be him…» This was a deduction far too complicated for her so she just dismissed the information. Maybe Marini had too many martinis and was speaking nonsense. Nodding over her superior powers of inference, she abandoned the corpse there.

Jill then got introduced to Angry Boulders, just another pleasant way of being entertained around here. An additional tunnel had three in them so she had to dodge-roll, hold-breath-leap, knee-hurt and wrist-break her way around all that as they abnormally triggered one after another. As the last evil boulder demolished a stone wall, she removed tiny rocks from her bleeding palms and stood up, «…..well that was sport. I wonder though, when did I switch from a RE game to a Tomb Raider….? »

The cave had more surprises in store for her, next she had to fight the mother of all giant spiders. The hairy matriarch lifted both its front legs up enthusiastically, « _I'll fEaSt oN yOur deLIciUs FleSH!_ »

«We'll see who'll devour who! », she lit a Molotov and threw it, setting the oversized creature plus the smaller ones ablaze but also the rest of the room which was covered in webs. Valentine exited, waited for the agonizing gurgling to end, opened the door to let the smoke out and then went back in. The only door available was still barred by five strings of webs though, Jill hold her head in dismay, « _Ah shit!_ Now how am I going to cross this door if it's covered in indestructible webbings? »

In a normal environment, anyone would have just tossed these aside with one arm and moved on. But this is Residential Evilness, THE survival horror world and SHE is Jill Not-Average Valentine; she had to use a combat knife and chop them to pieces like the dreadful obstacle they were. Done, she crossed the door and a Hunter popped out the corner again, one second later a knife flew into its forehead, killing it.

Jill moved around another corner only to collide into a wall, leveling her eyes she saw a sweaty double-chin, «Blurry! Thank Samael you're alive! »

«Um, yeah, you too. I think. », he pushed her aside.

«Are you alright? Your eyes are kind of moving horribly fast in their sockets. »

He hugged his cold silver partner, «Never been better, Jelly, never in my whole entire shitty existence, being a father of two annoying kids and my damn wife that just doesn't approve of me sleeping with my firearms-, never mind. I heard strange noises and came down here, but I only found Albe—I mean, I'll bet I found an elevator back there. Didn't expect to discover a place like this, and I certainly didn't imagine finding you here knowing you've been dragging Forest around.», then he acted even more bizarre, «Let's go together since it's dark and we can't see very well.»

She moved away while eyeing him apprehensively, surely this was Director's Crap coming back to haunt her for throwing the CD away, «….are you sure you're alright? You didn't smoke any of the blue plants that are growing around here, did you…? »

«Never mind if I'm losing it let's just investigate that lift, at least there's no unspecified red liquid near it. », he turned around and she followed him. The elevator was larger than the ones outside, meant to move bigger piece of equipment so that implies she could board it with Barry no problem. He approached the handrail and looked down, «Any ideas what we might find at the bottom? Aside from a possibly awful unbearable death? »

She eyed him as he was standing too close to the edge, «…there's just one way to find out…..», fighting the urge to push him overboard, she finally pressed the button since the delusional man was busy striking his handgun tenderly. The platform moved downward and they found themselves surrounded by the same uninteresting tunnels. Noises came to them, like someone who was trying to vomit and shit at the same time.

Burton, with his eternal Magnum ready, eyed the surroundings, «…what the hell was that sound….? Could be, a person? »

«Are you implying at the possibility of these rocks producing such a noise? Anyway it sounded like when my father being sick after our Halloween parties. »

«Halloween? Why not Christmas? »

She looked at him as if he was mad, «Because X-MasShit sucks. »

He needed to get rid of her and fast, knowing that their deranged leader was around here somewhere was more than he could bear so he turned to her, «You go check it out, I'll stay here and secure my escape route in order to leave you here. You know, just in case something happens… And if you're unlucky enough to run into the Captain, tell him I left the tunnels a **long** time ago. »

«Got it. BurpOn, you're always looking after the team, your family would be proud. »

He spaced out, «Only if they were still alive…»

«Why would they be dead? »

He mumbled, «…accidents happen…»

Then he snapped into that strange repetitive state again so she started leaving, when he suddenly activated the lift. Jill turned around and watched him ascend as he stared at her; both wearing a vacant expression. The sound of the motor echoed then the machine stopped, she heard him fall and a shot was fired accidentally, he groaned, got up and left, then silence. The lonely figure glanced around at the black and gray surfaces, a terrible theory dawning in her mind, that maybe, of all people, somehow, that perhaps Barry possibly wanted her dead.

But still merely a hypothesis.

Proceeding onward, Jill had to find her way within many small tunnels, that's when she got reunited with that woman in chains and no matter where Valentine went, the creature would magically appear across her path. Several times the Alpha nearly fell in the saliva the monster left everywhere, but she eventually found a door thus once more avoided being beheaded as Lisa swung her mad hands about, this time her arms got stuck on the flamethrower mechanism. The hooks descended, unlocking the door consequently allowing the prey to slip unharmed, and equally safe from more spitting.

The scenery then changed completely, the floor was filled with candles and the old furnishings lined with creepy dolls. Some of them were black as if they had been lit on fire, a few were headless or missing all four limbs, others were smiling. «Someone must have been using this dump as a hideout. », her thought trailed off when she noticed something peculiar occupying the center of the table. A bunch of chairs lay topped on one another like an unstable tower reaching to the ceiling. She just pulled wildly on the first one thus toppling it all over consequently making the objects assault her face. She kicked them away furiously, « _Fuck I am definitely starting to despise art!_ », then shot some of them to pieces.

She then bathed her ass in cold filthy waters with snakes biting her butt cheeks until she ended in a small bedroom. Jill found a happy family photo which was even creepier; then looking down she stopped blinking, couldn't believe her eyes. There near a shitty desk stood an item that many people would kill to possess… «How in the FUCK is it possible!? PS4 isn't even out yet in stores! », she promptly grabbed the console and shoved it under her beret, speedily went up a ladder and soon realized it was connected to that old house in the woods. She made her way under the trees again, avoiding the puke of a zombie; poor thing must be really lonely out there. With sympathy, Valentine threw him a piece of wood, «Catch! », but it perforated his rotting stomach, the man didn't bother and moaned as he tried to reach her still. «At least I tried to entertain you… minus the one thing that would actually entertain you. » The pitiable guy complained in approval, a decapitated hand and stump stretched towards his disappearing meal.

In any case he still had one hand to feed on.

* * *

Valentine re-entered the manor, wondering where to go now until she heard the screams again. That madwoman seemed to be emptying her lungs only because she could; or possibly she noticed her PS4 had been stolen. Perfectly understandable. Jill followed the sound that led her to a secret door right under the grand stairway. The double metal gates required some object so that they could be unlocked. The Alpha was fed up with these devices so her anger sufficed to destroy the obstacle; she blew the door open with a kick, exploding the gates from their hinges and watched them roll down the stairs below, making one hell of a ruckus.

She descended the 999 stairs, in a narrow passageway she ran across weak and moldy planks of wood, the only thing separating her from a dark bottomless pit and a very lonely painful death. Then she got down another ladder and found Barry who was apparently busy probing some skeleton. He heard something come his way but by the time the man turned around he got shoved against the coffin he was facing, then his head got repeatedly slammed on it.

He tried to explain himself during the treatment, each time his head was pulled upward that's when he had time to utter some words. «Thought I'd, go up, make sure, way was, clear…! »

She kicked him in the balls from behind and used that time to steal his precious friend Colt Python, which ought to make him feel docile and minuscule. «Believe me I don't enjoy kicking men in the jingle-hairy-sack but _you_ _fucking asked for it!_ »

That's when the invincible woman walked in, sent her hands flying into some statues completely obliterating the solid material; Jill figured that was her way of saying she'd do the same to them. Seems like she's strong enough to destroy concrete but not the decaying wooden shackles around her wrists; too bad, can't scratch her butt that way, who knows how long it's been itching.

Burton's strangled voice came from below, «Give weapon. Wanna, help. »

Valentine was still frowning as she aggressively rammed her heel on his hand, « _Don't_ _ **lie**_ _to me!_ You only want to help yourself get out of here in order to stuff your face with steaks!», then she aimed at the monster, «Maybe you can't die but such firepower _will_ slow you down; at least giving me enough seconds to escape.» Jill pulled the trigger at the same time that Lisa was preparing to jump. She was in mid-air when the round hit her leg, the momentum of her movement disputing control over the powerful force of the blow; subsequently her upper body went forward as the lower portion was sent backward, abruptly making her land face-first.

Beret-badass quickly made her way around Trevor as Barry was getting on his feet, now receiving spit all over him. The monster was already getting up when the man called for help, « _Jill!_ ».

She turned around, «You shouldn't have played me, ButtOn, it'll be your last mistake. », on that she watched him get mercilessly tossed over the edge. She was already leaving as his scream echoed throughout the stone room.

A family picture had flown out of his pocket and was now resting on the ground; on the back it read ' _I had to do it_.'


	10. UmBurial Laboratories

**UmBurial Laboratories**

Our now pissed Valentine was outside once more, she faced a fountain of sort but since she lacked the two items she simply shot the slots with the devastating Magnum. That blew to hell the hidden mechanisms which drained the water nonetheless still granting her passage. Descending rapidly on wet stairs was bound to make her slip but she was so angry that even the water didn't dare mess with her.

The elevator got her inside the laboratories where she vented her annoyance upon every unfortunate creature within the vicinity. She kicked a door open, mumbling, «Fucking Burry Button. Hurry ButtOn. Belly Button. Baril BurpOn and so forth… at least Faux-Rest only tried to hug me. Damn red-bearded lying son of a bastard. », she grabbed the head of a zombie and violently obliterated it on a stone wall. Searching the well-equipped rooms she discovered many useless objects such as an old VHS tape, dead rats in corners and an awful lot of toothbrushes, dental floss plus breath mints. «….somebody has a seriously fucked up mouth fixation. »

Some x-ray photos were snapped to a bright screen; Jill glanced over each but couldn't figure out what they represented. This was either from one of their mutated creatures, or someone got severely dismembered into a machine before being photographed. She walked to the rear of the small room, meeting one of the not-deceased staff who unsteadily stood there admiring the wall, she shot him in the leg and he fell. Then on a desk she found a peculiar fax, which she read twice giving its strange contents.

 _CONFIDENTIAL_

 _Attn: Chief of Security_

 _Date: July 22, 1998, 2:13:17 seconds and 7 micro-seconds, Raccoon City UmBurial Headquarters on planet Earth in the Solar System._

 _X Day is drawing upon us. By that we do not mean Christmas. Execute the following procedures within one day; yes, prompt actions are demanded. Or else._

 _1- Lure the S.T.A.R.S. to the estate, usually a big juicy pay check tends to motivate individuals. If money or threat fails, use the promise of cake. (Secret method stolen from one of our competitors.) Then obtain **B** iodegradable **O** rganic **W** aste's raw combat data against S.T.A.R.S._

 _2- Collect two embryos of each mutated specimens as samples, excluding the Tyrant; because we sincerely think you would not survive it. Dispose of the Tyrant. Yes you read correctly, despite the incommensurable amount of money, overtime and sleepless nights, blood sweat and tears invested into this grand project; we decided to just scrap it. The reasons are classified. (That is one courteous and concise way of saying we screwed up magnificently.)_

 _3- Destroy the laboratory and its premises, terminate everything and everyone; evidently, apply these orders prior to blowing up with the complex. When the above procedures are executed, report to headquarters for further instruction; giving that you're still alive._

 _In the event that HQ has also been invaded by mutated test subjects or has blown up, or the distressing accumulated effect of both catastrophic scenarios; then you're already dead. If for some reason you are unable to execute the procedure by the very reasonable deadline we prearranged, report immediately. If you are unable to report immediately, then we have the regret to inform you that no other measures can be taken therefore to still report immediately._

 _In case of emergency situations, and no, 'toilet flooding' does not enter into that category; report directly to the extension number 6666, or 4444 if you are of Asian nativity._

 _Examples of emergency situations:_

 _-Apocalypse_

 _-Viral Outbreak_

 _-Trump has been elected._

 _Good luck._

 _UmBurial Headquarters. UmBurial Inc._

 _We are THE best._

 _And by this we do not mean you, trivial staff members._

She tossed the fax away which inexplicably caught on fire. Well it couldn't get any clearer than that; this whole mission was one big hell of an unforgettable celebration. The zombie at her feet had been losing all its blood, now it was reaching her boots; Jill shot it four times for good measures. «I always found that pharmaceutical's name strange, plus their logo resembles and umbrella which is illogical seeing it doesn't even match with their name. I would have opted for a red and white coffin. Next thing you know one of their competitor's name will be 'Latex Gloves', or 'Syringe'. »

She located an elevator but the power was off, «Of course it is, everything so far has made sure to _really_ piss me off. », but using her lock pick she was able to start it up again; lock picking tools are a must in survival situations, they can even become your closest friend. But you don't actually want that friendship to go too deep and descend into mania like a certain man with his firearm; because that's just not safe….. especially if you start taking showers and/or sleep with a gun. Can turn out ugly in many ways. But then I suppose it's your problem, blow your head or dick off if you want; _if you sleep alone_. Hell it can get pretty fucking messy if you befriend a Bazooka…or a flamethrower….. Just don't sleep with C4 either…but then again solely if you give a damn about your life otherwise go ahead and blow yourself up, as long as there's no collateral damage. Cats don't enter in that category.

The lift led the soldier to one of the most equipped lab she had seen so far, plenty of monitors, machinery designed to perform important and complex tasks, huge test tubes in which floated unknown specimens and at the far end of the room a butt—

«Wesker…? », she frowned. The Captain kept typing on the keyboard; she approached, «Where were you? And what are you doing? »

«Well I've been busy, still am. »

«Now is hardly the time to update your You Tube profile. »

«I'm simply uploading the feed video of Whitefield crying in a cold cell; that ought to bring me some subscribers… Not that I'd care about any of them in the first place. Say, I'm not hearing any labored breathings so I assume Burton isn't with you; I sent him to fetch me some coffee, where is he? »

«Oh he's probably crying and agonizing in the darkest pit he's ever been stuck in, holding his broken limbs while bleeding to death. »

«He could have at least brought me what I asked him before deciding to commit suicide; he's always been so selfish. You see I told him that I'd torture his hamster Fluffy Butt Cheeks if he didn't do everything I told him to. »

«Do I dare dream to think what that implied…? »

«I don't see what you're talking about. In fact I wouldn't want to see it even if I could. », he shivered with disgust.

«Well knowing what ButtOn did to me, I now see why you didn't threaten to have his family killed instead…. no way you could have used them as leverage. »

Albert laughed softly, «Smart girl. Ton-of-muscle was such a disappointment though; it's too bad he wasn't much of a poker player. »

Because of that, a neon above his head committed suicide, Jill was not amused either, «…that was incredibly shitty. »

He turned and pointed his gun at her, «Well I wouldn't worry too much about that…. dear», he laughed stupidly again.

She looked exasperated, «'Dear'? _Really?_ Plus I wouldn't laugh like that if I were you, it makes for a very unattractive image; you sound like a retard. » He swiftly hit her in the face with his handgun, she groaned then slowly turned her eyes back on him, «You're the one who concocted all this social gathering, I reckon. With your sunglasses and your perfect-», she glanced at his waist, then back at the shades, «Well, that. »

He grinned, «I assume you enjoyed none of it? »

«Are we still talking about the festivity or your magnificently sculpted behind? »

His face returned to its former coldness as he hit her again, « _No one_ makes better come back than I. »

She spat some blood before fixing her eyes on him again, «I care. But on the contrary, I really relished in everything; too bad there weren't any chips though. » He didn't respond so she shrugged, «I like chips. I don't see what's wrong with that. »

«You are one odd woman, Valentine. »

«I call it being original, Whiskers. I could ask why you planned to destroy S. .S but that would be dumb since I just read some of the detailed secret files that explained it all. Turns out you're their little puppet as well; I thought you liked doing the slavery not the other way around-»

He promptly hit her in the stomach then in the face, this time she dropped to the floor. He stepped beside her, his aim steady, «You sure are showing suicidal tendencies. » The woman wiped her mouth and stared at him as he kept talking, «But I think you misunderstand me, those fools are nothing but _my_ playthings, they've no idea what's coming to them; same goes for you. I'm going to burn everything along with this entire laboratory then make them undergo the same pleasant treatment. Burn all of their houses down while I'm at it, set their lawns on fire as well, BBQ their pets and so forth. That'll merely be the overture to my other plans, they _will_ submit, and not just because I'm wearing sunglasses at night…. »

«Oh I see, planning more than just one gigantic party. »

«Moreover, I'm sure you're oblivious but I was the one who sabotaged Bravo's engine, and planned many other things meticulously; _I am that magnificently remarkable_. Also despite rumors, I don't wear sunglasses to cover being cross-eyed but to better hide my emotions in order to manipulate people more easily. And because frankly I'm way too damn handsome so individuals can't handle it, their hearts would burst out of their rib cages if they saw me without. Although, I'd like to see that. »

«...Well I wasn't expecting such declarations...»

«They say confession is good for the soul... Not that I have one. » Albert suddenly spoke softly, as if wanting to let her in on a little secret, «I want to show you something…. », then he backed towards the console and pressed a button. A video clip showing Kenneth from Bravo team appeared on the monitor, he was being mutilated by a very famished zombie.

Jill frowned before saying of a flat tone, «Well, that's a start…»

«Damn it. », Wesker abruptly pressed another button, initiating the self-destruct system.

«Getting better and better…»

This time he turned entirely towards the console and hurriedly typed a series of code. She reached for her front pocket to pick a candy and started unwrapping it, «…Take your time. »

He brusquely hit enter and the alarm stopped, he turned back to her, « _That_ thing.», pressing the right button as he leveled his sight on the big test tube at his right. It was containing a very tall man though he had intricate features; his entire left arm made of very long blades like claws, his private removed and a big heart pulsing out of his chest; not to forget that he was also smiling. Of course he was. Though nothing could ever beat the smile of the cool Nemesis, Valentine would discover later…..

«The ultimate life form; DieRent! » Wesker seemed to forget her presence and stared at the creature, moving in front of the tube before leveling his arms in profound admiration, «It's… _beautiful…..!_ », said he secretly staring at his own reflection in the glass rather than the B.O.W.

Jill got up, «I wouldn't step so close; you just cut his nutritive supply and now he's probably feeling cold air on his bare skin for the first time, he's bound to not appreciate the gesture. »

Albert turned his back to the tube, looking at her, «What would you know, you're not a scientist. »

«No but I'm in a perfect position to notice your imminent doom. »

DieRent pierced the glass and Wesker's stomach in one swift strike of his sharp claws. « _Ugh!_ _ **UuaAarRRrghhh! SHIT that's intense tickling!**_ _»_ , blood spilled forth as he got lifted higher, his legs dangling mid-air while the giant creature stepped out of its prison. Not one of Albert's finest moment, but then again this was better than hearing his lame laughter or be put through one more cheesy reply CAPCOM had given him. Then the B.O.W. threw the injured man away with force, the Captain didn't even emit the slightest of noise as he violently hit the machine and dropped to the floor, apparently dead. Hell though, he didn't even lose his shades…

The monster turned her way next, fixing his white eyes on the next target. Jill watched him advance on her with amazement, he was intimidating alright. Well there was no reason to panic and run in circles screaming, as long as she held this beast of a weapon in her hands. The one woman army put some safe distance between the T-002 Type and her, not wanting to end up like Wesker and then fired. The kickback almost ripped her arm off again but that was better than having the DieRent really tearing it off.

Valentine moved away, the gigantic creature slowly following her movements and performing in one single step what she had to do in two. She fired once more then had to circle around him again else he'd chop her head off, or worse, not actually killing her but pinning her to his enormous claws. Jill faced his large back as he was turning around, now was not the time to stare at his nude behind though he seemed to expose it proudly. The Magnum jumped in her hands again, yet attaining the target but he just wouldn't drop, kept on lifting one athletic leg after the other. She aimed at his heart and fired, the B.O.W. faltered in his pace, dropped on his knees then flat on the floor. She sighed, best celebration with the most entertaining of guests.

Her eyes were stuck on the magnificent creature, marveling yet at how tall he was, how he'd been stitched together into that seemingly perfect weapon. Valentine walked to the unmoving corpse that Albert had become though his face showed the same amount of emotion he depicted when alive. She bent and looked him over, «…what a waste…», exploring in his jacket pocket she found a researcher's note. She didn't bother reading it all but it mentioned a 'T-virus' explained as being Total-Annihilation-virus, a 'G-virus' being Grand-Destroyer-virus; and a recipe to make Danish. The last word scribbled were ' _I had to do it'_ , which made Jill frown severely, «…What the _fucking hell_ is up with them all….? »

She tossed the paper over his corpse and eyed his trousers, «That can't be you…. », digging her hand inside the pocket finding a master key. Valentine pondered whether to keep it or not and all things considered still threw it away; the woman already had her own.

Before she got up, she gently grabbed his chin turning his head her way, « I've mostly been eyeing your ass but it's always the whole of you that I marveled at; look at that handsome face….shame, really. DieRent isn't the only stunning creature in this room…» She removed his shades, «Charming eyes too, but I bet they look better while not injected with blood. Though you really need to work on your shitty lines and awful cliché laughter, that would really make you appear a lot cleverer, multiplying your attractiveness. I suppose it's going to be a very hard task now that you're dead. » She kept his sunglasses, «You won't need these anymore. », and put them on.

If this was a shitty hip-hop song then she would have moved onward in slow-motion like an overrated retard, but thankfully she was spared the cheesy dumbness. The soldier walked to the end of the room and pressed a button that unlocked the safety mechanism then boarded the elevator. Perhaps she needed to realize she had a problem with making friends, only getting close to dead people… purely a small problem however.

Valentine got back to the entrance of the lab and messed around with the latch, this was a very sturdy door but it still wasn't enough to stop the Alpha and her silver buddies. The next passage led her to another lift which got her on the roof, and it was an empty roof at that; no chopper, no magic exit door, no credits rolling. Suddenly the lift jerked back up, she had been too busy damning the sky yelling to notice it had been moving down.

Facing the gate as it slid up, she saw Chris who dropped to his knees and started kissing the cement, tears streaming down his face. She stared at him while he did this for an entire minute then he got up shouting, «I'm out! _I'm finally out!_ » shaking his hands towards the sky. «I knew if I lubricated the latch enough it would eventually slip! »

How did he manage that? Well I will principally underline that Wesker was extremely blessed not to have seen that.

He ran to her, shook her by the arm, «Jell-o! »

«Why are you half naked? »

«Someone started the self-destruct system; the sexy feminine voice said we have three minutes until detonation! »

«Okay…..but why are you naked? »

He blinked, «Didn't you hear the very important and alarming information I just selflessly provided? I mean we had three minutes by the time I got into that elevator, after that I wasted a full minute kissing the ground, that means there is only-»

«It never cease to improve does it?», she finally had time to notice the metal box that contained the distress signal flares, ran to it and pushed the red button. The flares got ejected thus giving their position…. at least she hoped so. Her attention got focused somewhere else though since the ground suddenly decided to just burst open, chunks of very solid cement were blown sky high like mere pebbles.

Chris shrieked, «What the _fuck_ is that!? »

Valentine leveled the Magnum, «As I was saying, the fun never stops. »

The slim but athletic form of the DieRent emerged through the hole, his white skin reflecting the brightness of the rising sun...so did his perfectly aligned set of teeth. Chris yelled, «Again, _what the fuck is this!?_ »

«It's mine. », Jill said and the B.O.W. locked his sight on her, walked towards the duo with his long refined movements. Well it was locked on her until he noticed the awful sight that is BareSkinField, the creature's stance changed then he charged at the man. Claws cut through him as if he only had been made of air, which was rather accurate… Valentine blinked as blood splashed her face, «Well so much for freedom…. », the survivor distanced the monster as he immediately tried to chop her in pieces as well.

Perfect Killer turned her way as she had already begun firing at his back, the powerful rounds only seemed to deepen into the thick skin and do very little damage. The bio machine prepared for another devastating blow and Jill moved out of the way again, smelling his chemical odor, feeling his shadow covering her. His more massive form sent him running farther than she had been before moving, which gave Valentine enough time to run, turn, aim and fire two more shots.

The white visage of Death faced her once more, marked by its distinctive dark-purple and red veins forming an X across it; particularly even, well-placed around the eyes and nose. It's as if he was telling her to aim there though she was compelled to focus on his big heart. The Alpha vaguely heard a helicopter approaching as she fired once more, her shot attaining the red organ. His weak point burst open, vomiting crimson fluids, tainting the white skin and cement. T-002 did not even scream, his teeth as motionless, him being as daunting; he only charged yet again. While Valentine dodged she heard the sound of the air being moved by the claws next to her ear, each evasion could be her last. _How can he keep fighting with his main motor destroyed? Do I have to behead him entirely?_

Then something dropped on her head nearly killing her, blurring her sight.

« _Shit!_ Are, you okay…? », that was Brad's voice coming from above, he had dropped Barry's rocket launcher.

She shook her head as blood run from her nose, «Great…! Now why don't you just make sure not to chop me in half with the blades or crash the helicopter into the complex? That'd be a fucking start! »

His voice became high with panic, «Wait _what is_ _ **that!?**_ »

«I thought that's why you dropped the launcher in the first place! »

«No my hands are sweaty, it literally just fell down! »

Jill clenched her jaw and ran away from the B.O.W., trying to have him standing far enough from the device so that she could pick it up without risking being obliterated. His right side was soaked red, blood covering his leg yet he did not seem to feel pain. He was a machine, precise plus brutally competent and either she killed him or they were all going to blow up with the entire estate. Such a shame though.

She avoided another one of his calculated attack, instantly ran around back to the heavy weapon and leveled it above her shoulder. His large back had already been replaced by his bloody front when she hit the switch. Her legs bent and her feet slid backward under the kickback, the rocket directly flying towards its target but victory wouldn't be that easy. DieRent swiftly struck the missile away with his clawed hand, deflecting the rocket to the side which blew a portion of the heliport instead; now he walked from the smokes like some undying creature of the apocalypse.

Valentine did swallow with difficulty at that ominous sight but she started running again as the tensing of his muscles indicated the incoming assault. She _was_ getting tired; he was one hell of a foe, she'd been on the battlefield for hours but he only just got out of some nutritious sleep. At least Brad didn't accidentally blow a missile at them, so far, and he was still up there; so far.

She circled around back, trying to get a good angle where T-002 wouldn't see the rocket coming, all while she wondered why they didn't blow up yet. Redfield; figures, he never was accurate and you could rarely base reality on his own delusional view of it.

An incredibly maddening voice came from above, «Just kill it! _How hard can it be!?_ »

She glared at her tall enemy by lack of having Brad in front of her and yelled, «Remain in your secure position up there and _shut the fuck up!_ Let the pro deal with this marvel of genetics while you suck on your damn thumb! », Jill's face was rock-hard and she aggressively tossed her beret aside, meaning serious fucking business. Now poor PS4 revealed, she took it and shoved it inside her back pocket to shelter it.

Next the trigger was pulled again and this time it was a direct hit, bioscience exploded all over the landing zone plus in her face, there was nothing left of the giant but fuming body parts and gallons of blood. She glared upward, « _Get down here_ , _**NOW**_ **!** » and Brad did. You must give him credits for that, because Jill really looked extremely fucking pissed standing there being all bloody and still holding unto the massive weapon. She was merely inside when she ordered, «Leave quickly bomb. » Vickers didn't need any other incentive.

The helicopter got higher; the badass survivor sat in silence awaiting the explosion. It never came. She sighed in frustration; after all she endured it could have at least ended with a colossal explosion and pleasant fireworks. After almost an hour of flight, partly because Brad had lost his navigational points again, he turned her way and asked, «Hey Jill, I just recalled….where are the others? »

Her frosty eyes darted on him, «Take a very fucking wild guess, _Vicky_. »

He turned around in silence and did in his pants again. Valentine was too tensed to relax, after all it still was Brad piloting…. her nails dug into the material of the bench. She'd have all the time to take it easy later when she'd finally part with Vickers; this was not a party, it was hell. Cake was waiting for her at her apartment and she couldn't wait to get there; once the inept pilot would finally stop getting confused with where to go. Damn she deserved that cake. She would have liked to eat it off Albert, the delectable man only wearing a cop hat, but would have to settle for her imagination.

A familiar sexy voice suddenly came from the speakers, «Jill, you did a fine job. », Brad screamed and they almost crashed again. Valentine simply grinned and pushed the shades up her nose, thinking ' _Ohhh yeahh…'…._

Then a picture inexplicably flew in the cockpit; there she was with Chris, she had shoved her beret in his face and was strangling him. The word ' _Congratulations!_ ' was written above their heads in red. Then subtitles specifies she's receiving a couple of trophies one after another, and a letter from a certain producer that mentions how glad he is she played the game over 777 times beating all the special modes plus unlocking many cool weapons.

«….That, is very, _truly exceedingly_ disturbing…», she held the Colt Python during the rest of the flight.

* * *

In some UmBurial laboratory, a certain someone is brought back to life by the means of a very special Danish he ate prior to his premature demise. The man gets up but to his utmost horror realizes his most-cherished sunglasses are gone. Angry, he vows to the world that he'll have his prevailing revenge…..as soon as he gets cleared from the deadly deflagration and has taken a shower. After combing his hair thus wasting precious seconds, now imbued with the power of the Danish, he makes his way out of the complex by annihilating everything in his path then later stands supreme atop a hill as he watches the mansion explode.

Seconds afterwards the blast reaches him so he receives dirt in the eyes and has to spit filth out of his mouth.

Becoming a God is not easy.

If feasible.

Though you _will_ still give him an egg when prompted.

…Might help with his God-complex and world domination.

Somehow.


End file.
